


Love and Immigration (the only things almost as inescapable as death and taxes)

by heartsdesire456



Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Almost Crack, Fake Marriage, M/M, Marriage, Parenthood, Step-parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 16:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After traveling the world as a legal US citizen, Gabe never expected to wake up with a letter from the INS with his name on it. After a discovery that filing errors from when he became a naturalized citizen have left Gabe once again under illegal status, he is faced with 'up to' 90 days in INS detention while they sort it all out. However, a rash decision at a self-thrown 'going to jail' party leads to Gabe in a situation he never expected to find himself in: Married to his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love and Immigration (the only things almost as inescapable as death and taxes)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God, it's actually embarrassing how illogical this story is. I'm a big stickler for laws at least 85% of the time when I'm writing fics so to fully rewrite the entire reality of Immigration and Naturalization is shameful, BUT it was worth it for one HELL of a funny fic! This started with me expecting it to be pretty short and really cracky, but in the end, I managed to tell an actual STORY in over 20,000 words! lol. ENJOY!
> 
> Fic originally posted on Lj [HERE](http://heartsdesire456.livejournal.com/949861.html)

Gabe was startled awake by four loud screams and a heavy weight crushing him. “Eruuuughhhnahhh,” he cried into his pillow, voice muffled.

“WAKE UP DADDY!” Nate cried, and Gabe opened his eyes to find Nate bouncing on top of the pile of friends on top of Gabe. “Oh hey, he’s awake guys!”

Gabe yelped as a few knees or elbows came frighteningly close to his balls and sat up slowly as everybody crawled off the bed. Or in Ryland’s case, slid into it beside Gabe, curling around him. “Excuse me, I don’t remember inviting your ugly ass into my bed.”

“Aww, Gabe, don’t deny our love!” Ryland cooed, leaning over to kiss Gabe straight on the mouth, earning laughter from their friends.

Gabe rolled away and fell out of the bed with a thump. “Ow.” He sat up. “Fuck, why are you in my house?”

Alex smirked. “Victoria stole your keys and made copies,” he said and Victoria blew him an exaggerated kiss.

Gabe grumbled. “I hate you all.” He crawled to the bathroom and locked himself in for a few moments before remerging just a bit more human than before. He eyed the four in his bed, pretending to be asleep, and shook his head. “I have the best friends,” he said, running to jump on top of them, grinning evilly as he wiggled around, digging his knees, elbows, and even flopping over to dig his bony ass into as many soft spots as he could find.

“My stomach!”

“My thigh!”

“My balls!”

“My fucking vagina!”

“EWWWW!” Everybody jumped up to scramble out of the bed and Victoria glared, holding her crotch. “Seriously, you run when I mention I am a girl?” she added and Gabe giggled from his spot still sitting on the bed across her knees.

“You’re our sister, dude. Sister’s don’t have pussies,” he said and Victoria rolled her eyes.

“Whatever, get off me,” she said, shoving him before rolling out of the bed.

Gabe sighed. “So, why are you here?” he asked, shoving past his band mates as he headed to the kitchen. He flipped the switch on the coffee maker and sat down at the counter, yawning.

Ryland adopted an affected British accent and tutted, going to lean against Gabe, arm around his middle. “Oh don’t be like that, darling-“

“Please, it’s too early for Guy Ripley, seriously,” Gabe groaned and Ryland smirked.

“It’s never too early for Guy Ripley,” he said with a lecherous leer that made them all groan. “Oh hey,” he said, dropping the accent. “We got your mail out,” he said, grabbing the bundle off the counter to drop in front of Gabe before going to get at the coffee before everybody else did.

Gabe sighed. “You have a key to my mailbox too?” he asked, giving Victoria a dark look.

“That one was Nate,” she defended. “He was going to leave dog crap in your mailbox but he never got around to it.”

Gabe flipped through some envelopes before frowning when he found one that read _INS: Time Sensitive Matter_ in big, bold letters across the front. “The fuck?” he asked, picking it up to tear open. He scanned it only to have his eyes fly wide when he read the words “incorrect procedure” followed closely by “schedule your meeting ASAP” and lastly ended with a warning of “possible detainment if no reply is received in fourteen days”. 

Gabe just frowned harder. “I repeat- THE FUCK?!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“So what it comes down to is simply filing error,” the INS official said to Gabe, who sat across the desk from her.

Gabe nodded. “Okay, so can we un-error it?” he asked and she cringed slightly.

“It’s not that simple,” she started and Gabe grew more unimpressed. “In this case, the best I can guarantee you is one week to get everything in order and then you will taken into custody no longer than ninety days-“

“Wait, WHAT?!” Gabe cried, paling. “I’m going to get locked up as an _illegal immigrant_ because some immigration douchebag filed my citizenship papers wrong?!” 

“Just until the paperwork is resubmitted and you have a formal hearing. There’s no worry about not having your citizenship re-instated, but until then you are technically an illegal immigrant, sir-“

Gabe shook his head. “I’m a musician! I’ve got an album to write and interviews- I HAVE TO GO ON TV!” he cried in shock. “I can’t be LOCKED UP!”

She smiled sadly. “I really am sorry, Mr. Saporta, but unless you’re getting married to an official citizen within the next seven days, there just isn’t much to be done,” she said apologetically.

Gabe put his head in his hands. “Oh fuck.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When everybody had finally arrived, the booze was flowing, and the party was in full swing, Gabe found himself flopped out on the couch between Suarez and somebody’s girlfriend, watching a few people trying to dance on his coffee table and not fall off. 

“GABANTI!” Gabe looked up and smiled brightly when Pete came flying into his lap.

“Duude!” he cried, hugging Pete. “Fuck, didn’t think you’d make it. Hell, _everybody_ showed up,” he said, sighing as he took in the loud music and loud people all over his house. “Great party, I think later we’re all going into the pool naked,” he told Pete, who giggled.

“Dude, what the hell is up? The text said ‘possibly the last Saporta Party’ for months. The fuck is that?” Pete asked, settling down on Pete’s lap.

“Seriously, dude,” Ryland called from his spot hanging over the back of the couch behind Suarez. “You said announcement and everybody that’s coming is coming. You better announce before EVERYBODY is too wasted to comprehend,” he said, tossing back his drink for emphasis.”

Gabe snorted. “I’m not telling _everybody_ just my closest friends. I’ll tell when everybody else is gone-“

“Dude, that doesn’t sound good,” Pete said suddenly, frowning. “You okay?”

Gabe cringed. “Well, not exactly,” he said and Pete narrowed his eyes. “I’ll talk to you later, promise, bro,” he said, earning a confused look from Ryland and Suarez.

It wasn’t until later, post-mass-skinny-dip that Pete, who had clearly had more to drink than what Gabe had seen, plopped down in Victoria’s lap in sopping wet clothes, since he hadn’t bothered to dry off when he got dressed. “So, tell me dude,” he said, giggling as he leaned over against Gabe’s shoulder, putting his feet on Ryland. “What’s up for real?”

Gabe snorted, shaking his head. “Not much, just going to jail is all-“

Victoria spit her drink all over Pete, coughing. “WHAT?!”

Ryland fell out of his chair he flailed so hard. “Wait, WHAT?!” he demanded and Gabe giggled drunkenly. “Not funny Saporta, what was that about jail?”

Gabe sighed. “So, you know that letter from the INS?” he asked and Ryland nodded. “Apparently, shit got fucked up way back when and the skinny- besides Pete’s ass-“ Pete elbowed him. “Is that I’m currently on my ‘week to settle my affairs’ before I get detained as an illegal immigrant for ‘as much as three months’,” he offered with exaggerated air quotes. “Cause they get to be slow asses and are given three fucking months to file my shit before they’re in trouble. AND I can’t even sue them because currently, I have no constitutional rights!” he said, giggling. “How fucking funny is that?”

“Dude… that isn’t funny, that’s _fucked_ ,” Ryland offered and Pete giggled evilly.

“I think it’s totally funny, Gabanti,” he said, grinning at him like an idiot.

Victoria just shook her head. “What about the album?”

Gabe shrugged. “Postponed I guess.”

“Can nothing be done?” Ryland asked. “Fuck, I need to tell Nate and Alex, shit-“

“Dude, just let them party,” Gabe said, waving his glass. “Drink more!” He downed his drink. “And no, sadly. They said the only way I can get out of getting locked up is to get married to a legit citizen. Then I’ll temporarily be all green card-ed long enough that I’ll have my shit sorted and re-citizened.”

Pete hummed. “Hey, I’ll marry you,” he said and Gabe shot him a look.

“For real? You’d marry my illegal ass just to keep me from getting locked up?” he asked and Pete shrugged.

“You’re my dude and shit,” he said. “I’m the only single one and hey, I totally bank on you doing well on this album,” he said, earning drunken laughs from the three others. “No really, you’ve got what, tonight and tomorrow?” Pete asked. “Shit, we can totally find somebody ordained by day after tomorrow.”

“Actually,” Victoria offered. “It’s Thursday night, the thing- fuck, what’s it called?”

Ryland nodded. “The place, with the stuff! Yeah!”

She snapped her fingers. “Yeah, that thing, where you get marriage licenses and justices of the peace and stuff-“

“A courthouse?” Pete asked and Ryland cheered drunkenly.

“THAT PLACE!” he said. “Those are open at like… eight in the morning tomorrow. You guys could totally get married tomorrow.”

“Actually,” Gabe said, looking at his phone. “That’s in like… three hours,” he noted and Pete let out a loud laugh.

“Dude, yes, tomorrow or today or whatever. I’ll totally marry you.” Pete cackled. “Totally fuck with people AND save your ass!”

Gabe giggled. “Sure, okay, may as well!” he said with an absent wave. “Why not, you know?”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Holy shit, why are we doing this?!” Gabe hissed to Pete, who had his hood up and sunglasses on. “This is stupid!” he whispered as they filled out a marriage license form. 

Pete chuckled. “Dude, your options are marriage or getting locked up. I may have offered cause I was drunk, but I’m not gonna back out on one of my best friends,” he said and Gabe sighed.

“Yeah, great, except we’re getting MARRIED! I like fucking with the internet as much as you, but do you KNOW what kind of shit we’ll get from people we know and our families and-“

“More than you getting your ass locked up by immigration?” Pete asked and Gabe floundered. “Seriously, we’ll get married, then when you’re in the clear we’ll get a divorce, easy enough.” 

Gabe snorted. “Great, following in my dad’s footsteps, wonderful.”

Pete snickered. “Eh, I’ve done it once, nobody will be shocked I’m hard to be married to,” he said and Gabe glared.

“Yeah, great, I’ll be the second person to leave you. Works great with my ‘asshole’ reputation.”

“Suck it up, Saporta,” Pete said, signing with a flourish before passing the paperwork to Gabe. “Now sign it and let’s find a judge or whatever to marry us.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Oh my God, seriously? Wedding rings?” Pete asked and Gabe shot him a flat look.

“You talked me into this shit,” he said, taking Pete’s elbow to drag him into a jewelry store. “The internet will know by the time that shit is filed and finalized. If we’re faking it, we’re _faking it_ ,” he stressed. “I’m not getting called out for a fake marriage, we’re passing it off for as long as we have to be married.”

Pete snickered. “Fine, but that totally means you have to move in with me,” he said, blowing Gabe an exaggerated kiss before sliding his hand into Gabe’s back pocket, making him jump slightly. “Hey, you know me, dude. I hang all over people I’m dating.”

Gabe scoffed, slinging his arm around Pete’s shoulders. “You hang all over everybody you’ve ever met.” He smirked. “I can play that up, and hell yes I’ll move into your place, you’ve got a sweet pad,” he said, pushing his sunglasses on top of his head. “But I mean all the married shit. Rings, doing shit together, and getting our shit straight _fast_ ,” he stressed. “Seriously, stories straight by tonight.”

Pete chuckled. “We should lie. Tell everybody that doesn’t already know that we’re totally for real married. Friends and everything.”

Gabe snickered. “I’ll pay you money to convince your mother that you really married me,” he said and Pete smirked.

“Don’t make bets you can’t keep, _dear_ ,” he teased and Gabe cringed.

“Ew, no, not sweet names and shit. That is so not Cobralicious,” he said and Pete snorted.

“You say shit like ‘Cobralicious’ but I can’t call you an old married name?” he asked, only to be interrupted as a man in a nice suit cleared his throat. Pete looked at the sales person and smiled, pushing his hood down. “Oh hi,” he said and the man gave them a somewhat disapproving look.

“Excuse me, sir, but can I help you with something?” he asked.

Pete shrugged. “Just looking at wedding bands,” he said, then smirked as he looked up at Gabe. “See any you like, babe?” he asked and Gabe narrowed his eyes at him before fixing on a smile.

“Still looking around, but thanks,” he said to the guy, who looked them over, clearly taking in the ratty jeans Pete was wearing and the _purple_ pants Gabe was wearing, their muddy shoes after walking through the grass instead of staying on the sidewalk, and their tee-shirts and old hoodies. “We’ll call if we need help,” Gabe said, sliding out of Pete’s hold to go look closer to the glass, leaving Pete to the old guy’s scrutiny.

The man sniffed and turned to Pete. “Sir, could I possibly suggest a more reasonable store? Possibly something in your price range?” he started and Pete shot him a smirk before pulling out his wallet.

“Well, you could,” he started, pulling out his card, waving it to the guy. “But then you’d miss out on a hell of a commission,” he said, tossing the man his platinum card. “Now, if you still have a problem with the way we’re dressed, I could always find another store,” he said, tapping his chin. “Hmm, wonder how the mens’ selection at Harry Winston is?” 

The man gave Pete a bright smile. “No, sir, I’m sure we can help you find exactly what you want here,” he said, offering Pete his card back. Pete took it with a smirk and slid it into his back pocket. “Are you looking for anything in particular?” he asked and Pete grinned.

“Figured we’d work something out,” he said with a nod. “We’ll see,” he said, going over to Gabe’s side, ignoring the reflection of the man’s frantic motions at the sales lady in the glass. “Dude, I totally got to play the ‘rich guy in ratty clothes’ game! Soooo fun,” he whispered.

Gabe snickered. “Too bad you aren’t a billionaire. I’m sure a black amex would’ve made him piss himself,” he said and Pete chuckled.

“I actually got the invite for one of those, but I don’t spend _that_ much money,” he said and Gabe snorted.

“Fuck dude, I thought only like… billionaires were the ones to carry those?” he asked and Pete shook his head.

“They told me I just had to buy a quarter of a million dollars on my card every year-“

“Holy shit!” Gabe cried, only to suddenly slap a hand over his mouth. “Um, didn’t mean to kick you, honey!” he said elbowing him to make him react. “Jesus fuck, you got an invite to get a black amex, how fucking rich are you?!” he whispered and Pete snorted.

“Not _that_ rich,” he said, then shrugged. “Let’s just say I’m fucked if you suddenly go insane and stop being so cool, cause you didn’t sign a prenup and even if I love you to death dude, totally one of my best friends ever, bros for life, but man that was stupid of me,” he said and Gabe snorted.

“If I was gonna fuck you over, dude, I’d have done it a long time ago,” he said, earning a smile. “Seriously, I’ve risked my beautiful face for you in the past, dude. We’re bros for life,” he teased and Pete grinned.

“Alright, pick a ring already,” he teased and Gabe elbowed him again just to annoy him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Dude.”

“Gabe, seriously, you have probably got shoes that cost this much-“

“ _Dude_!” Gabe stressed, looking at his hand. “There is a _car_ on my hand-“

“That’s a very small but shiny car,” Pete said, grinning up at Gabe. “Seriously-“

“Fuck you, the thing on my hand cost more than a lot of used cars!” Gabe pointed out. “Holy shit, I’m supposed to wear the used car all the time? What if it falls off? What if I get jumped and my hand chopped off?”

Pete snorted. “Gabe, look, I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. You liked it and you aren’t exactly in the poorhouse. I figured you had watches at least that cost this much,” he said with a shrug.

Gabe scoffed. “Dude, my most expensive article of clothing and/or accessories is still in the triple digits! I think I’ve got a necklace that was maybe a thousand. MAYBE,” he stressed. “Sure, I’ve got shit that costs more than this, probably my entire entertainment system or something-“

Pete laughed. “I get it, I get it, you aren’t down with expensive shit.” He shrugged and grabbed Gabe’s wrist, holding their hands up side by side. “They’re cool though, right?” he asked and Gabe rolled his eyes.

“Hell yeah they’re cool! Although they’re really fucking gay, I’m wearing a wedding band with a line of sparkles set into it,” he joked and Pete snickered.

“Well you married a dude, I hope that isn’t going to be a problem, all that gay.” He smirked. “Besides, the sparkles are microdiamonds, how cool is that?! It’s like super expensive glitter!”

“I like glitter,” Gabe confirmed with a nod. He smirked. “And I’m totally down with all the gay, I just felt like point it out. Especially since now like… we’re gonna have to do all the support shit and probably an OUT article or something,” he pointed out.

Pete smiled. “Hey, you’re like… my best friend, so I can totally be all in love with you really easy. I’m good at that,” he said, pointedly lacing their fingers together between them. “See? I’m all husband-y and shit!”

Gabe chuckled. “God, I’m somebody’s _husband_.” He cringed. “I’m a _Wentz_ ,” he said and Pete let out a loud, obnoxious laugh, nearly doubling over as they stopped at the corner. “Why did I let you talk me into that? Your name doesn’t sound so bad, but mine sucks so much ass! Gabe Saporta-Wentz. The fuck?”

Pete raised an eyebrow as they crossed the street. “What’s worse about that than Pete Saporta-Wentz?” he countered. “Seriously, I don’t mind it, but they don’t sound very different to me.”

Gabe just shrugged. “I don’t know, it just sounds lame. But, whatever, I’m down with it. Wentz is a pretty sweet name on its own,” he assessed.

Pete grinned. “Whatever you say ‘honey’,” he teased, dropping Gabe’s hand as they approached the car, going to separate sides.

Gabe groaned. “ _Honey_?” he whined and Pete just smirked at him as they climbed into the car.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe spent a day making sure the INS bought it, putting his shit in storage, since he was moving in with Pete, and transporting all his ‘take’ stuff to Pete’s house. When he was just getting the last box of stuff, Pete carrying his last bag, Pete’s phone started ringing. 

“Shit, Gabe, can you get this for me?” he asked and Gabe walked up behind him, reaching into his back pocket to answer his phone. “I MEANT THE BOX!” Pete squeaked, laughing when Gabe snuck a grab of his ass. “Gabe!”

“Mr. Saporta-Wentz, who can I tell my husband is calling?” Gabe asked facetiously without looking at the display really.

There was a momentary silence before he heard an awkward noise. “Fucks sake, tell me you two are playing a prank on the internet,” a warning voice said.

Gabe cringed. “Husband o’ mine, you have an angry redhead on line one, I repeat a monumentally pissed off leprechaun who has actually kicked my ass before on line one!” he said, tossing the phone to Pete as soon as he put down the box. “I DIDN’T DO IT, PATRICK! YOU CAN’T HURT ME FOR IT!” he shouted at phone in Pete’s hand before all but scurrying off to put his bag in the guest room. 

Pete cringed. “Um… hi?” he said weakly into the phone.

There was a deafening silence before Patrick just sighed. “Pete Wentz, I swear to God,” he groaned and Pete cringed, sitting down. “Seriously, are you actually stupid?!”

Pete groaned. “Look, I should’ve warned you- hell I should’ve warned everybody, but it was time sensitive dude!”

“What, you knock him up too?!” Patrick demanded and Pete’s jaw dropped. “SHIT I’m sorry, fuck!” Patrick gushed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, okay that was low and I’m genuinely sorry for that,” he said and Pete sighed, putting his head in his free hand.

“Look, it was rushed and probably not smart, but he’s one of my best friends and I had to help him,” he said. “I’d have done the same thing for you.”

Patrick sighed. “Well, other than the fact I’m not gay,” he pointed out. “Fuck, what did you do, Pete? I figured you two lost a bet but if you were pulling a ‘Pete To The Rescue’, maybe I’m overreacting?” Patrick offered peacefully.

Pete smiled. “Dude, it’s so fucked up!” he laughed out. “So, Gabe had an emergency meeting with the INS last week and it turns out his citizenship isn’t actually valid cause somebody filed shit wrong or something so he was technically an illegal immigrant again, so he got a week to settle his affairs and then he was facing up to three months in an INS lockup since they can’t deport him cause he isn’t a citizen of anywhere else but the US yet his citizenship wasn’t valid anymore. The chick he met made a crack about marrying a citizen and getting a green card, but then the other night at a party, he joked about it and then we stopped and realized it would work. If he got married, he’d have a green card for long enough for his shit to get straightened out, since they don’t get but ninety days before they HAVE to straighten it out.”

Patrick groaned. “So you married him to keep him from getting locked up? Is that even legal?!”

Pete giggled. “Oh we’re legally married alright. I even talked him into making our last names hyphenated! We got married Friday morning, bought rings after that, then today we’ve been moving his shit into my place.”

Patrick chuckled. “Well, okay, I guess you would be one to marry a friend in need. God Pete, even when you are doing something good it goes to shit!”

Pete sighed, leaning back. “Oh, story of my life, Patrick. I haven’t told my parents yet. We actually haven’t told anybody yet. Hell, I don’t think Ryland and Victoria thought we’d really do it when we joked about it at Gabe’s party Thursday,” he added. “Hell, they probably all think Gabe’s getting locked up tomorrow still.”

Patrick laughed. “Well they don’t anymore. The internet is on fire. I think you are officially the cause of more twitter outages than any other celebrity, Pete.”

Patrick grinned. “You’re just jealous _you_ aren’t Mrs. Saporta-Wentz!” he joked and Patrick laughed.

“Soooo not jealous of him. Dude, I spent a good five years never leaving your side, I served my country, it’s his turn now. Also, if you married me, neither of us would be Saporta, Pete,” he pointed out and Pete sighed.

“You joke, but when you were like… sixteen? I was convinced I’d one day make you agree to marry me just because Wump would be the coolest last name ever,” he said and Patrick let out a laugh.

“God, you’re crazy. Fuck, okay I’m going. You aren’t as stupid as I feared, so I’m leaving you to suffer your remaining stupidity alone,” he said.

Pete smiled. “Thanks for looking out for me still, Patrick,” he said and Patrick let out a soft sound.

“Always, Pete. Seriously, I could move to fucking Mars and I’ll still be looking out for you,” he said and Pete smiled brightly.

“Sweet! Alright, thanks for calling, gotta go practice my gay now, bye!” he said and Patrick just burst out laughing.

“Any gayer and you’ll turn inside out, Wentz. Bye,” he said before hanging up, leaving Pete pouting.

“Dude, I’m not _that_ gay!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe was just pouring his first cup of coffee when Pete came through with his keys, fully dressed. “Oh hey, you’re up,” Pete said, going to steal some of Gabe’s coffee, cringing when there wasn’t much sugar. “So, I’m going to get Bronx, wish me luck?” he asked and Gabe cringed.

“Scale of one to Stump, how bad are you going to get your ass kicked for getting married while Bronx was with his mom?” he asked and Pete groaned.

“Let’s just say I may have a black eye when I come home,” he said and Gabe smiled evilly. “Hey, shut up,” Pete said, glaring before stealing another drink of his coffee. “God, you drink shitty coffee.”

Gabe flipped him off. “Your mom,” he said and Pete waved as he went through to the garage.

Pete had only been gone about fifteen minutes when the doorbell rang. Gabe frowned and went to answer the door, confused about who could have gotten past the gate, only to received confused smiles from some of the last people he expected to see. “Uh, Spencer, Brendon, hi?” he offered and Spencer smirked suddenly.

“Pay up, it was for real,” he said and Brendon grumbled, dropping a twenty in his outstretched hand. “So, you really married Pete?” Spencer asked, shoving past him. “Shocked to see you getting married.

Gabe raised an eyebrow and followed Spencer through. “Um, don’t get me wrong, but you know the gate code?” he asked and Brendon nodded, going to raid the fridge.

“Oh yeah, Pete let’s us come over whenever. We steal the pool when he’s out sometimes,” Brendon explained, coming back with two beers.”

Gabe chuckled. “Beer at ten am?” he asked and Spencer shrugged.

“We’ve been up since four, we deserve it?” he tried and Gabe snickered.

“Ah, to be young and handle alcohol better,” he said, sitting down. “Actually it’s just beer, I think,” he clarified. “I can drink all the mixers I want but beer gives me the sickest hangovers.”

Spencer cringed. “You don’t want to see Brendon on liquor. It’s like someone injected adrenaline into his veins,” he said and Brendon huffed.

“You are not my mother, Spencer, I don’t know why you refuse to let me drink what I want-“

“Because I have to drag your ass home,” Spencer said, shoving him before taking his own beer from Brendon. “So, you and Pete got married for real?” he asked and Gabe shrugged. “No really.” Spencer narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Gabe sipped his coffee and held up his hand, wiggling his finger with the ring on it at them. “Legal and everything,” he said as he sat his cup down on the counter across from Spencer and Brendon. “Now, why are you here?” he asked and Brendon snickered.

“To see if you really got married! We thought it was a joke, but holy shit, why did you get married? Wait, were you guys even together when we saw Pete last week?” he asked.

Gabe hummed. “Hold on,” he said, going to get his phone from his room (the former guest room). He dialed Pete’s number and flopped on the bed. 

“What is it, Gabe? I just left?” Pete answered and Gabe rolled his eyes.

“Your mini-me’s who aren’t mini showed up, should I tell them the truth or make up a love story?” he asked.

“Wait, which ones?” Pete asked and Gabe snickered.

“Smith and Urie. You treat them like your favorite pets yet you had to ask ‘which ones’? Bad you,” he teased.

“Oh yeah, you can tell them the truth. Them and your band too, since they know it. But most everybody else we’re lying to. They only get to know because they totally hang with me all the time, they’ll notice we don’t live like a love story or some shit,” Pete explained. “We’ll work out a list of ‘tell or lie’ when I get back, I’m getting on the freeway so I need to get off the phone, okay?”

“Okay, thanks,” Gabe said, hanging up. He dropped his phone in his hoodie pocket and went back to the kitchen, amused to find Brendon and Spencer fighting over a box of cookies. “Okay, Pete says I can tell you the truth,” he said, climbing onto a bar stool with his coffee. “We got married to keep my ass from getting locked up,” he said, shrugging.

Spencer frowned. “What? How did that keep you from going to jail?”

Gabe groaned. “Long story short, filing error says my citizenship isn’t valid, but they can’t deport me since I’m a US citizen, so they were gonna lock me up for up to three months, since they have that long to settle their re-filing and shit. If I married a citizen, I get a green card at least long enough to get my citizenship straightened out,” he said, shrugging. “Pete offered.”

Brendon burst out laughing. “OH dude, dude, that’s AMAZING!” He snickered. “So wait, you’re illegal?”

Gabe flipped him off. “I checked with the INS since we got married, filed my green card papers. I’m good to go now. I’ve officially gone from illegal to legal to citizen back to illegal and back to legal once again,” he said, tipping his coffee at them. “I’m pretty badass.”

Spencer chuckled. “Why Pete?”

Gabe shrugged. “He offered?” he tried and Brendon shrugged.

“Makes more sense than anybody else, really. I mean, you two would totally be a good couple,” Brendon pointed out.

Spencer nodded. “Hell yeah, I’m sure if Pete liked dick, you guys would’ve been dating already,” he said and Gabe rolled his eyes.

“You two have no room to talk,” he teased, going to the living room with his coffee.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Pete grunted as he put Bronx down. “Alright, remember what I said-“

“Be good for Uncle Gabe, I know daddy!” Bronx said, giggling as he ran off. “UNCLE GABE!” he shouted and Pete smiled when he got to the living room and Bronx was sitting in Gabe’s lap, smiling brightly.

“Hey Pete, I’m stealing him for good now, you know that, right?” Gabe said, hugging Bronx.

Pete chuckled. “Good thing you already love my kid, or else this would’ve got awkward,” he said and Gabe shrugged.

“Eh, you wouldn’t be one of my best friends if I didn’t like your offspring,” he said, and Bronx bounced.

“Daddy said you live with us now, Uncle Gabe! That’s so cool!” he cried and Gabe nodded.

“Yeah, dude. Right down the hall from you. We can totally do sleepovers now,” he said, high fiving the little boy.

Brendon smirked. “We were telling Gabe earlier how believable it’ll be you two are married since you are totally hetero-lifemates,” he said and Spencer groaned.

“Only _we_ didn’t say that, Brendon called you that word,” he said and Brendon huffed, crossing his arms as he glared at Spencer.

Gabe smirked. “Not so hetero, but totally lifemates,” he said, only to be interrupted by Bronx.

“Daddy, I’m hungry.”

Gabe smiled. “Come on, dude. Let daddy talk to Brendon and Spencer. I’ll get you some lunch,” he said, grinning when the little boy grabbed his hand and led him out of the room.

“I want apples! And macaroni! And peanut butter sandwiches! You got that, Uncle Gabe? And chocolate milk and-“

“Okay, okay, let’s see what we have before you eat half the house,” Gabe said, rolling his eyes at Pete before they left.

Pete chuckled. “He’s totally stoked Gabe’s hanging out now,” he said and Spencer grinned. “So, what are you two up to this early?” he asked and Brendon shrugged.

“Figured we’d get the firsthand account of this whole ‘Saporta-Wentz’ thing. Knew it was fake,” he said and Spencer nodded.

“Totally suspected,” he confirmed.

Pete grinned. “Yeah but it’s awesome, I can say I married somebody to give them a green card now. How bitchin’ is that?!” he asked and Spencer snorted.

“Well, you used the word ‘bitchin’, pretty sure that is all we needed to hear,” he deadpanned and Brendon giggled into his shoulder. “Better than Brendon, he said hetero-lifemates,” he said and Brendon huffed.

“It’s a valid term!” he said and Spencer rolled his eyes.

Pete grinned. “Hey, it works. Sounds less middle school than ‘best friends for life’,” he teased.

Spencer snickered. “Would work better if Gabe was only half-gay like you are,” he said and Pete snorted.

“I’m not even half-gay, God. What is it with everybody thinking I’m so damn gay? Patrick told me if I got any gayer, I’d turn inside out,” he said and Brendon shrugged.

“You make out with all your hottest friends?” he tried and Pete hummed.

“Good point,” he said and Spencer snickered.

“Besides, Patrick Stump has no room to talk about gayness,” he said and Brendon groaned, rolling his eyes.

“You will never let that one go-“

“Dude, everybody thinks Patrick is straight, it won’t ever stop being funny!” Spencer argued, waving a hand.

Pete frowned. “Patrick is straight though. Like, I know I joked a lot all the time when we hung out more, but he actually is straight, everybody knows that, right?”

Spencer shot him a look. “We know the truth, trust me.”

Pete shook his head. “No really, he’s seriously straight. I should know, I was around for the ‘figuring yourself out’ formative years. He never showed the slightest interest in boys.”

Spencer kept shooting Brendon a look and Brendon shook his head. “My lips are sealed. That memory is FIRMLY in the past-“

“What’re we talking about?” Gabe asked, coming back.

“Where’s Bronx?” Pete asked and Gabe nodded in the direction he came from.

“Eating in the kitchen. He’s fine on his own, dude.” Gabe flopped down. “So, what’re we talking about?”

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Pete is trying to convince us that Patrick is straight when we _know_ he’s not.”

Gabe smirked. “The angry redhead? Totally straight, sorry boys. I tried, if I couldn’t get to him, nobody ever did.”

Brendon perked up some. “Wait, seriously, you guys aren’t joking?” he asked and Spencer gaped.

“So you mean he didn’t fall for YOUR charms?!” Spencer asked, glaring when Gabe smirked. “Shut up, nobody will ever know that story-“

“What, about me and you hooking up once? Dude, everybody knows that story-“

“WHAT?!” Spencer squeaked, cheeks burning.

Brendon shot him a look. “Ew, seriously? You slept with Gabe?!”

Spencer groaned. “No, it didn’t go that far. AND IN MY DEFENSE! I was nineteen and drunk,” he defended. “I’m like… ninety percent straight, I was just drunk and no lie, Saporta is stupidly good at charming his way into dragging somebody into a coat closet,” he said, giving Gabe a look.

Gabe grinned. “Hell yeah I am! Why do you think so many people make out with me?”

Pete chuckled. “Hell yeah, I make out with all my friends but Gabe has me beat,” he said “And it is proof Patrick’s straight. He never let me or Gabe make out with him.”

Spencer shot Brendon a look and Brendon shook his head frantically. “Actually-“

“SPENCER DO-“ 

Spencer slapped a hand over Brendon’s mouth, fighting his slappy hands. “Brendon lost his virginity to Patrick,” he said and Brendon froze, cheeks burning behind Spencer’s hand.”

Gabe and Pete’s jaws dropped. “NO!” Gabe said and Pete just shook his head.

“Can’t be. Patrick Stump is straight. I’ve known that kid more than a third of my life, he is _straight_ -“

Brendon sighed. “Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean he never experimented,” he said, covering his face. “I should’ve never told you fuckers,” he said to Spencer, who grinned evilly. 

“No, wait, really?” Pete asked, frowning. “When?”

Spencer smirked. “When you guys flew him out to record some vocals on From Under Cork Tree.” Brendon made a pathetic sound and fell over to lay against the couch, hiding his face in a pillow. “In the studio, apparently,” he said and Brendon made a sound not unlike a dying whale. “Patrick totally turned him gay, dude. He was full on gay for a good month,” he said and Brendon sat up, huffing.

“It was the first sex I ever had, it makes SENSE!” he hissed. “Fuck you, dude. Fuck you so hard.” 

Gabe snickered. “So wait, really? You actually lost it to Patrick Stump?”

Pete huffed. “Dude, he refused to even kiss me back then, but he slept with you?”

Gabe laughed. “What even happened, dude?” he asked and Brendon sighed, shaking his head.

“It was late, he’d sent all the techs and producers away and was doing it himself, he was cranky because I wasn’t singing it right, I was pretty much terrified of him because I saw him blow up and throw a massive bitch-fit before sending away the producers-“

“Sounds like Patrick,” Pete confirmed and Brendon snickered.

“Yeah it was impressive to see these mid-thirties, six foot tall dudes all cowering from an early-twenties tiny guy,” he added. “But yeah, it was late, he was pissed at me, and I have no idea what made it happen, but he was like… yelling at me sort of and I finally grew some balls to tell him to fuck off, and I guess it shocked him into it or whatever, and he like… jumped on me and kissed me and shit went from there,” he said, shrugging with pink cheeks. “I thought he was going to kill me or something, instead he totally rocked my world,” he said, then held up a hand. “For a little guy, he has a really epic dick, did you know?” 

Spencer smirked evilly. “That will never not be the funniest story ever. He wasn’t even eighteen!” he said and Brendon groaned.

Pete smirked. “Dude, and you were in California, that’s totally statutory!” he said, giggling gleefully. “Oh God, no wonder nobody knows about that story!”

Brendon glared at Spencer. “Well nobody DID! Knowing Pete- no offense Pete- everybody will know soon. He may as well announce it on twitter!”

Pete giggled, leaning into Gabe’s shoulder. Gabe smirked. “Don’t tempt him, Pete’s going to totally make the official announcement of our wedding later, he could totally slip in that he married me cause your seventeen year old inexperience turned Patrick straight,” he joked and Spencer laughed evilly at the offended look Brendon gave him.

“Hey, Patrick had never slept with a dude before either, he totally couldn’t fault me for it if he didn’t like dude-sex,” he argued and Spencer giggled.

“Oh God it’s amazing. Brendon you’re so bad at sex you made him _straight_ -“

“I was a virgin, of course I was bad at sex!” Brendon defended. “IT ISN’T FUNNY!”

Pete chuckled as Brendon started beating Spencer with the pillow. “Okay, keep it down, Bronx doesn’t need to come in here and hear what we’re talking about,” he said and Spencer snatched the pillow from Brendon, sticking his tongue out at him childishly.

“Dude, Pete, this means you’re the straight one!” Gabe said, grinning at him. “How sweet is that?!”

Spencer smirked. “You tried to get me to blow you when we first met,” he accused and Pete snorted.

“Brendon had told me the drummer was a hot chick, I legitimately thought you were a cute girl with a manly voice and small boobs until after that,” he said and Brendon grinned evilly at Spencer, who glowered.

“I was trying to get us signed! Besides, Ryan offered to sleep with him and he turned him down so I thought maybe he’d sleep with you!” he said and Gabe laughed.

“Oh my God, I always forget you guys were just random kids Pete met when he signed you.” He looked at Pete. “Were you trying to get some high school booty?” he asked and Pete shrugged.

“Nah, I liked them, but Spencer really did look like a pretty girl dude. I was more into skinny girls but even chubby he was hot as hell. I just didn’t know he had a dick at the time,” he said and Spencer smirked at Brendon.

“And now I’m the manly one, bitch!” he said and Brendon rolled his eyes.

“Only reason I wasn’t the girly one is because I have a really manly voice and jaw. I totally out-gayed any of you, even I admit that now. I look back at myself and wonder why the hell I thought I was straight.” He sighed. “Shit, I can’t believe you told about Patrick Stump. Seriously, I thought we swore to the grave?” he asked Spencer, who shrugged.

“You pissed me off. I could’ve told that I was your first kiss,” he said and Brendon made a panicked sound, covering his mouth with his hand.

Pete and Gabe both smirked. “Actually, we knew that one,” he said and Brendon gaped. “No idea where it started but it totally went through the grapevine somewhere along the way.”

Spencer cringed. “Ewwww, everybody knows I kissed this thing?!” he asked, pointing at Brendon.

“Wow, some best friend you are,” Brendon said and Spencer smirked.

“Best friends don’t have to think the other is attractive, they just have to accept them how they come,” he said, patting Brendon’s head mockingly.

“I hate you so very, very much, Spencer Smith. Seriously.”

Pete grinned. “Dude, Gabe, for the record, you’re totally hot,” he said and Gabe snickered.

“Oh yeah, I’d totally do you. I married you, didn’t I?” he asked and Pete laughed at the looks on Brendon and Spencer’s faces.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Daddy, Daddy come play with me!” Bronx cried, dragging Pete by the hand as he ran towards the playground. Gabe snickered at Bronx dragging Pete over to the swings as he went to sit at a picnic table. Bronx had wanted to go to the park and Pete had agreed to take him. Gabe had nothing better to do, so he figured he’d go with them. It was always fun watching Pete in ‘dad’ mode because he really seemed happy when he played with his son. Gabe knew not all of their friends were cool with how often Pete turned down their invites to play with Bronx, but he knew the ones who had seen him really hanging out with Bronx understood why he did so. 

Gabe smiled when Bronx jumped out of the swing and Pete nearly tripped and fell in his rush to make sure he was alright, only to be rewarded by Bronx totally ignoring him and running off to the slide. Pete turned back and headed over to where Gabe was sitting and Gabe smirked. “Shut down?” he asked and Pete huffed, climbing to sit on the table so that he was taller than Gabe.

“He’s going to kill himself one day. Fuck, I wonder if I jumped off of shit like that when I was little? I bet I owe my mom a thousand apologies,” he said and Gabe snickered.

“He is your kid, you were probably worse,” he said and Pete sighed, leaning forward with his hands on the edge of the table. Gabe nudged him. “Seriously, kids are resilient. They bounce and shit.”

Pete snickered. “Bounce? Seriously? Remind me to never leave you alone to supervise my child,” he teased, nudging his shoulder with his knee. “But yeah, I guess they do withstand a lot.”

Gabe shot him a look. “You once jumped from the top of a lighting rig at one of my shows when we were younger, Pete. You landed on a fat girl’s head and neither of you got hurt. I think people don’t start actually getting hurt until like… at least twenty-six.”

Pete grinned at him. “Dude, I am surprised you remember that. You’d drank the entire bar,” he said and Gabe laughed.

“So?! You hadn’t drank anything and you didn’t get hurt!” he said and Pete smiled down at his toes.

“God, my kid is going to do scary shit like that one day,” he said and Gabe shrugged.

“You’ll totally be in the front row, you can be his fat girl,” he said and Pete groaned, clapping a hand over his eyes. “Seriously, you only deserve whatever shit Bronx does to scare you. You totally did worse to your mom, I’m sure.”

Pete looked up and smiled, only to have it falter as he looked past Gabe, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Shit, stalkerazzi,” he said and Gabe started to turn but Pete shook his head. “Don’t look, they’ll just get even more annoying.”

“Dude, they follow you around when you’re out with Bronx?” Gabe asked and Pete nodded.

“Sucks a lot. I don’t mind most of the time, but Bronx is totally not fair game. I mean, it’s probably only cause it’s me and you, but they seem to like to take pictures of me and Bronx like they’re just waiting for some reason to call me a bad dad or something,” he said, glaring slightly as he saw a glint of glass in the bushes.

Gabe smirked. “Wanna give ‘em their money’s worth?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Pete raised an eyebrow. “What are you asking me, before I agree?” he asked and Gabe chuckled.

“Work with me,” he said, grabbing Pete’s shirt to tug him down, startling a squeak out of him when he kissed him. Pete got with it though, and quickly put his hand on Gabe’s neck for balance, leaning down to kiss him back more firmly. He slid his left hand to Gabe’s shoulder so that his ring was facing the direction of the bushes, knowing they would love a close up of his hand like the one he’d seen of Gabe’s hand on twitter.

When they kiss broke, Pete plastered a smile on his face but chuckled. “Warning next time, fucker, I nearly fell off the table,” he said, lips barely moving in case someone was looking that close.

Gabe just smirked and turned to lean his head back against Pete’s side. “Not my fault you didn’t get with the awesome idea faster. Think this looks good and couple-y?” he asked and Pete laughed, resting his arm around Gabe, letting Gabe use his side as a pillow.

“Probably. I’m totally going to sit here and play with your hair though, just in case. If you fall asleep, however, I will draw on you,” he warned, digging a pen out of his pocket.

Gabe grumbled. “You’re a horrible husband,” he said then smirked, closing his eyes. “Make sure it’s a penis at least, no fun if it isn’t.”

Pete giggled. “Always.”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“You aren’t in prison!” Ryland cheered when Gabe let them into the house.

“Just stuck in married to Pete, which has to be almost as bad,” Nate added and Gabe rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah, he keeps me locked up in the shed out back and makes me earn my keep as a sex slave when Bronx isn’t here,” he said and Victoria smirked.

“You wish, Saporta, you wish-“  
“My husband’s name is Saporta-Wentz, not Saporta,” Pete said as he came in from the kitchen. “And he wishes what?”

Gabe flopped down on the couch. “That you kept me locked up in the shed out back as your sex slave,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Pete snickered. “Oh yeah, let me tell you,” he droned, saluting them all. “Besides, if I start keeping illegals in my shed, they better be gardeners,” he said and Gabe shoved him.

“You have way too much fun with that. It’s rude,” he said, groaning when Pete flopped over on top of him, digging his elbows in obnoxiously as he wiggled around on top of Gabe. 

“You like me like I am! You married me!” Pete teased, flopping down to lick at Gabe’s face.

Victoria cringed. “You married a dog?”

Gabe chuckled, settling onto his back, one arm behind his head and the other on Pete’s back. “He’s as ugly as one,” he teased and Pete huffed, propping up with hands on Gabe’s chest.

“Dude, I’m not ugly!”

Gabe grinned. “Of course not, I wouldn’t marry an ugly dude,” he said, then shrugged. “Although the car on my finger suggests there are other merits to being your trophy husband,” he teased and Pete laughed.

“Jackass,” he said, smacking a kiss to Gabe’s cheek before climbing off of him. “Alright, gotta cook dinner,” he said, high fiving everybody as he passed them on his way out.

Gabe snickered. “You cook?! You haven’t cooked a single time since we got married.”

“We’ve been married about a week and a half,” Pete called back over his shoulder before slipping out the door.

Ryland snickered. “God, you got married to _Pete_ ,” he said and Gabe smirked.

“You just wish you’d offered first,” he said, blowing him a dramatic kiss. He snickered. “Dude, it’s crazy! I had no idea Pete had so many people running his life! He has this publicist _team_ who all flipped their shit when we got married. Seriously, man, this one woman actually suggested killing me and hiding the body.”

Nate whistled. “They would need to find a really big drainage ditch to fit all of you in,” he said and Victoria shoved him.

“Why does it sound like you’ve thought of this before?” Gabe asked.

Ryland shrugged. “Well, I’ve planned how I’ll kill all my friends some day ahead of time, why not where to hide the bodies?” he asked and everybody gave him blank stares. “What?! I’m not GOING to do it but if I _were_ to snap and kill everybody, it’s best to have it already thought out.”

Gabe cackled. “Dude, remind me to sleep with one eye open when we go back on tour.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe was doing a small interview for a web article on his own without the rest of the band. He knew they would be asking him all about his marriage but he had enough jokes to throw their way, he was sure.

A tall blonde came in and Gabe stood up, offering her his hand. “Hi, I’m Lucy Carlisle,” she said, taking the seat across from him.

Gabe smirked. “I’m Gabe Saporta-Wentz.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, I think that’s a good place to start,” she said, starting the recorder in her hand. “So Gabe,” she started. “Your last name changed,” she said and he chuckled.

“Yeah, No idea how he talked me into that,” he said with a smirk. “No, I got married and we decided to hyphenate our last names.”

She nodded. “And who did you marry,” she prompted and Gabe rolled his eyes.

“Oh, just some dude,” he said with a grin. “Think his name’s Pete or something.” He shrugged. “Got me a nice ring, has a sweet butt,” he said and she laughed at his antics. “Nah, Pete Wentz has been one of my friends for a really, really long time, he’s a great guy.”

She smiled. “It came as a shock, definitely. There was no rumors of you two dating or anything. Hell, there wasn’t any proof either of you were gay, especially since your husband was married to a woman and supposedly only recently broke up with a girlfriend. A few months ago,” she said.

Gabe chuckled. “Well, it was pretty spontaneous,” he said, trying to remember the details of the story he and Pete worked out. “Pete had a girlfriend until about five months ago, and he was really bummed after they split, because he gets like that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “He always thought the pretty girl who likes him is going to be ‘the one’ and when it doesn’t end up being serious, he gets all sad. And I don’t really know how we ended up getting together, it was like one day he’s just Pete, the dude I’ve known since the first time a band I was in in college made its way to Chicago, and then I don’t know, it just changed,” he said, trying to seem genuine. “Probably was always there, just never had a chance to end up being more than bros, but yeah. I was having a party at my place a few weeks ago and Pete was all ‘hey, we should get married’ and the next day we were laughing and thought ‘well, why the fuck not?’ so we did,” he said, grinning as he held up his hand to show her. “Got a sick ring out of it,” he said and she smiled.

“That’s really sweet, how long have you known each other?” she asked and Gabe let out a whoosh of breath as he thought.

“Shit, like…” He chuckled and shook his head. “Damn, a good fifteen years now. God, I’m old,” he said, making a face. “I’ve always thought he was a great guy. I mean, we weren’t always close, we both had busy stuff all the time, but the last few years we’ve had more chances to hang out. The last four or so we’ve been really close, especially since he got divorced. I spent weeks hanging out with him most every day because he was so upset the first few months after they split up. He needed friends and a lot of people were really busy and I wasn’t so busy, so I tried my best to be there for him. And we talked all the time when I was on tour and doing stuff for the last album. We got together a few months ago and it seems sort of rushed to get married, but why not? I mean, we’ve been friends for half our lives nearly, I won’t ever know him any better, I’m pretty sure,” he said, smiling.

“Awww,” Lucy said, smiling. “That’s really sort of romantic.” She turned a page on her notepad. “Now we’ll get to the album pretty soon, but I have to ask about one more thing. There were photos of you guys out with your stepson,” she started and Gabe was still somewhat startled to hear ‘stepson’ since he didn’t really think of himself as much of a parent. “What is it like suddenly having a kid involved?”

Gabe shrugged. “Not really different. I mean, it’s not like Bronx magically appeared. He was with us a lot when we hung out before we got together.”

“He was?” she asked, looking surprised. “I figured hanging out with friends wouldn’t involve kids.”

“Not always, we would go out while he was with his mom plenty, but Pete is a pretty hands-on dad. He spends so much time hanging out with his son he wouldn’t have a lot of time for when we were friends to hang out without Bronx, and like I said, I’d spend whole weeks with him sometimes.” He smiled to himself thinking about how true it was. “Pete couldn’t be with somebody who didn’t love his son. No way.”

She gave him an amused look. “Huh, I just didn’t figure the going to a park together with his kid was a common occurrence. So you already had gotten to know his kid before you guys ended up dating?”

“Oh yeah,” Gabe said. “Of course, I’m one of his favorite ‘uncles’. At least I better be, he told me I make the best peanut butter and jelly at least,” he offered with a grin.

Lucy grinned. “Well that’s awesome. Congratulations on your marriage,” she said with a nod before turning another page. “So, you’ve started writing on the next Cobra Starship album,” she started and Gabe let out a sigh of relief, settling down for a less stressful round off questioning.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe glanced up curiously as Pete came into his room. “Hey man, what’s up?” he asked, patting the bed next to him. Pete came and flopped down face first, laying on his side to face Gabe, who was sitting with his laptop out.

“Porn?” Pete asked, spotting men in underwear on Gabe’s screen, and Gabe rolled his eyes.

“Underwear, I’m ordering some sweet briefs,” he said snickering. “Seriously, you see dudes modeling drawers and assume it’s porn? Wouldn’t they be naked?”

Pete smirked. “Hey, some people like to see the semi-nudity, not just BAM! Naked!” Pete said, slapping his hands together in a motion Gabe did not at all understand.

“Pete, I haven’t jerked it to the underwear section of a catalogue since I was about fifteen and worked out how to get skin mags from the corner store,” he said and Pete grinned.

“Ah, convincing older kids to buy porn, always was fun,” he said, then rolled closer to rest his head on Gabe’s leg. “So, anyways, I saw that website you did that thing for,” he said and Gabe chuckled.

“The chick who took major liberties with what I said?” he asked and Pete grinned evilly.

“Oh yeah, I love how you were pining for me all these years and then finally healed my broken heart and showed me how to love,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Gabe snickered. “Oh God, it was so good, wasn’t it?” he asked. “Man, too bad it isn’t true, we could sell our love story for millions! All the biggest film makers would be vying for it.”

Pete smiled up at Gabe. “We’d be the most romantic couple since Jack and Rose-“

“Oh fuck that was not a romantic couple,” Gabe said, shoving Pete playfully. “They knew each other a week, it would be more like the ill-advised long-weekend where I met Bill Beckett,” he said, then cringed. “I had the boot marks from his girlfriend kicking my ass for weeks.”

Pete smirked. “I told Patrick you tapped that,” he said and Gabe snorted.

“I so tapped that, we played like… three shows around the area and he basically spent four days hanging with me, most of which were naked, and then on that Sunday his girlfriend walked in on me climbing out of his bedroom window and DUDE-“ He shook his head. “I thought I was gonna die, man. At first I thought she was his sister and she was gonna tell his parents and his dad would murder me, cause he was like… sixteen or something, but holy shit, this little skinny sixteen year old girl caught me trying to run for the corner and beat my _ass_ ,” he said and Pete burst out giggling.

“Oh fuck, dude, in all the time I’ve known him, I never even got him to kiss me, it was mostly just messing with him to see him turn pink cause I never did like dick, but this one time I crawled in Patrick’s window when he was sixteen and got in bed with him cause I’d had a fight with my parents and his brother was home and the next morning Patrick’s mom sent him up to wake Patrick up and he found me wrapped up around him and holy shit,” Pete burst out laughing. “The dude just yelled ‘Mom, Patrick’s gay!’ and she came up to see what the hell Patrick was yelling at to make his brother say that and when she got there, here I was, in my boxers and a tee-shirt standing awkwardly beside the bed and I thought she was going to _skin me alive_ ,” he said and Gabe smirked.

“Damn, underage Patrick was hot, I’d have so tapped that,” he said and Pete made a face.

“I probably would’ve tried if I hadn’t loved him so much. Even without liking dude’s downstairs bits, I totally had so many guys I had crushes on when I was younger. I think I mistook how it felt to have a decent friend for other feelings.” He rolled and looked up at Gabe, smiling. “I was totally over the moon for you at one point,” he said and Gabe smirked.

“Not your fault, everybody is at some point in time,” he said and Pete laughed loudly.

“Okay, you gotta tell me, I’ve heard the rumors from the east coast,” he started in a low, secretive voice. He looked Gabe in the eyes from his spot on his thigh and narrowed his eyes. “Mikey Way.”

Gabe grinned a sinister grin. “I’ll tell if you will,” he said and Pete let out a shocked laugh.

“Oh my God, you _did_?” he asked and Gabe sighed.

“Fuck, everybody did,” he said honestly and Pete raised an amused eyebrow, sitting up.

He turned and crossed his legs, leaning in curiously. “What does that mean?”

Gabe grinned. “What it sounds like. Before their band, back before anybody really knew who MikeyWay was, _everybody_ in the right scene knew who MikeyWay was. He was really popular because he had this hot nerd look and even if he wasn’t anybody super important, any tie to a record company had people doing whatever they could to impress him.” He smirked. “For some it meant sucking his dick, for others it meant hanging out. I was a friend of a friend or something. Well, when they got a band together, Iero’s band was failing so he hung around them a lot. I had a class or two with Iero, we got introduced more officially. First time I hooked up with Mikey, it was around that time,” he said, waving a hand. “Just some ‘bought him a drink, blew him in the bathroom’ deal.”

Pete just gaped. “Holy shit, the rumors he was a total slut are true!” he said and Gabe smirked.

“Oh man, you should’ve seen him on tour! Hell, we toured together for three months and I’m pretty sure I was one of two guys giving it to him regularly and that isn’t counting the chicks he picked up occasionally.” He snickered. “It’s a good thing he got his shit straightened out a couple of years later, but I’m really glad Gerard Way was not clean and sober for that tour, my friend,” he said, shaking his head. “The guy is small but he’d kill somebody over his brother. If he knew I was fucking his brother most every other day, he’d have killed my skinny ass.”

Pete giggled. “Oh shit, that’s amazing. Damn, that’s too funny.” He sighed. “Fuck, MikeyFuckingWay, I haven’t talked to him in a few months. I should text him sometime.”

Gabe nudged him. “Spill. Seriously, all those rumors, you can’t tell me nothing was going on there,” he said and Pete groaned.

“Fuck, I won’t lie, there was a good week or two where I thought I had met my meant to be and would grow old with that dude,” he said and Gabe raised an eyebrow. Pete chuckled. “I was in a rough place still and I’d hung with Mikey before, but that summer…” He shook his head. “I don’t know how or why but he ended up being my rock, you know? I was still so fucked up and I somehow turned to him. He was pretty fucked up too, on his own and after the shit that went down with his brother.” Pete smiled a sappy little smile down at his hands. “We would talk. A lot. It was like I’d met the one person who could understand me and we just… clicked.” Pete shrugged. “It was love. Real love. Not the shit I had every other week, but the kind I’ve only had about three times in my life. It wasn’t even a sex thing, we would talk and never stop.” He looked up and smiled at Gabe. “It was what it was. I mean, it wasn’t meant to last, it was one of those things that is meant to happen but not meant to last, you know? We’d spend hours laying on top of the bus watching the stars at night, and on driving night’s we’d lay in our bunks on the phone without talking just to hear each other breathe. We’d laugh together and cry together and hold each other until we didn’t feel alone anymore.” Pete chuckled softly. “Fuck, we only had sex twice,” he admitted. “Once on top of the bus somewhere in Montana, where the stars were so bright and the air was cool and his eyes reflected them all. We were talking about the universe and how everybody in the world looked at the same moon. No matter where you are, the same moon you see is the same one anybody else that looks up sees and no matter what, the moon ties people together forever.” He snorted. “We had sappy, romance novel sex on top of a fucking tour bus.”

Gabe hummed. “Gotta say, never did that one,” he said and Pete smirked.

“Last time we had sex, I knew he was going to let me go after tour ended and I wanted him to keep me. It was more desperation than love. Shit went the way it was meant to, we weren’t meant to be together more than that one summer, but I wanted to stay happy. I had gone so many years never feeling that happy that many days and weeks in a row and I wanted to keep it and my brain associated happy with him and I knew I wasn’t into dudes and still I was into him because he was what made the sadness go away. We both ended up alright in the end.” He shrugged. “It was just a really rough time for us both and we needed each other then.”

Gabe smiled sadly. “You have had a lot of rough times, Pete,” he said, reaching out to grab Pete’s hand, curling their fingers together on Pete’s knee.

Pete shrugged. “Everybody struggles through life until they find their place. And for all the rough times and bad shit, to be only halfway through it, I’ve had a hell of a lot of good times too.” Pete smiled up at Gabe. “I have struggled to get to where I am, but as much as I hate some of the shit that happened long the way, I’m a happy guy now. I still have problems, I still have rough patches, but nothing will ever erase the fact that in the last five years, at least, I’ve worked out a lot of my issues and I know how to be okay now.” 

Gabe smirked. “And you have a sexy husband,” he teased and Pete laughed sharply.

“Oh yeah, fake marrying a sexy friend is totally on up there next to the best of the best moments,” he joked, shrugging. “I don’t know, having you here to talk to is nice,” he admitted. “I mean, you’ve hung around before, but I guess things were always bad when you felt like you should spend a while with me. At least now you’re here when I’m happy and we can talk about nice things and play with Bronx together and shit.”

Gabe faked a sniffle. “Awww, I’m going to cry,” he said and Pete shoved him, smiling bright.

“Fuck off, you’re one of the people who has done the most for me, I really did owe you,” he said simply. “And I’m getting plenty out of having you living with me too, so I still owe you even after this.”

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Pete, you don’t owe shit for me caring about you. You’re a good person with one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever known,” he said softly. “You _deserve_ good shit and you are worth more than any of the bullshit people ever give you. The reason people love you is because of who you are, not what people say about you.” Gabe shook his head. “Anybody who gets to know the real you and doesn’t appreciate it don’t deserve you.”

Pete smiled. “You’re way better than my therapist,” he said and Gabe snorted, rolling his eyes as he snagged Pete, pulling him down on the bed. “No, really!” Pete said, wiggling around to face Gabe, curling an arm around his middle. “She just listens to my problems and nudges me into figuring shit out on my own, it’s so much nicer to hear somebody I really trust telling me how awesome I am!”

Gabe snickered. “You’re a shit, Wentz,” he said and Pete just squeezed his hip.

“Saporta-Wentz,” he corrected and Gabe smiled.

“Alright, alright. Saporta-Wentz.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Pete entrusted Gabe with taking care of Bronx for the long weekend he was going to be gone, Gabe figured it would be cool, just hanging out with Bronx and chilling. He didn’t expect the first night to wake up _just_ after falling asleep to the sound of Bronx running down the hall crying. 

Gabe headed down the hall where Bronx had gone and frowned when he found Bronx kneeling on Pete’s bed, hugging Rigby and crying into her fur. “Hey, what’s wrong Little Man?” Gabe asked, walking over.

Bronx looked up, sniffling. “Daddy isn’t here,” he said with a sad whimper. 

Gabe smiled and sat down. “He left this afternoon, remember?” he asked and Bronx nodded. “Hey, you okay?”

“Had a bad dream,” he whispered, wiping at his face with one tiny fist. “Daddy always makes it better.”

Gabe smiled sadly and pulled Bronx into a hug. “Hey, I’m sorry your daddy isn’t here,” he said and Bronx let go of Rigby to crawl into Gabe’s lap, clinging. Gabe chuckled as the dog took the freedom and jumped off the bed, running out of the room. “Come on,” Gabe said, holding onto Bronx as he stood up. “Come stay with me, you can tell me all about your dream,” he said and Bronx whined softly, sniffling as he fisted his little hands in Gabe’s shirt.

“A big monster was trying to eat me!” Bronx said, voice muffled by Gabe’s shoulder. “It was purple and had red eyes and big teeth and claws like a bear!” he said and Gabe chuckled.

“Here.” He sat Bronx on the bed and pulled the covers back, letting Bronx crawl in as he laid down on his side. He smiled at Bronx, who was chewing on his finger. “Hey, don’t do that,” Gabe said, tugging his hand out of his mouth. He pulled the covers up over them and turned off his lamp. “It’s okay,” he said to Bronx, who wiggled closer in the dark, holding onto Gabe’s hand. “No monster will get you.”

Bronx whimpered. “Promise?” he asked and Gabe pushed Bronx’s curly hair out of his eyes.

“No monster is gonna get through me, I promise,” Gabe said softly, rubbing his hand up and down Bronx’s little back. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll stay awake and watch for monsters.”

Bronx smiled weakly. “You won’t let it eat me, will you, Uncle Gabe?”

Gabe shook his head. “No way, I’d beat that mean ol’ monster and make him go away.”

Bronx giggled. “But monsters are big!”

Gabe chuckled. “I’m pretty big too, right? I’m tall and I’d be a lot meaner than any monster if he was trying to eat my little buddy.”

Bronx pouted. “Daddy always says he’ll let the monster eat him first so I can run away, but I don’t want it to eat Daddy either,” he said with big eyes.

Gabe scoffed. “There is no monster here to eat your daddy. And if there was, I wouldn’t let it eat him either. Besides, your daddy may be little but if a monster was after you, B, he’d whoop that monster good. He’d never let anything hurt you. I wouldn’t either, I promise.”

Bronx gave him a smile. “You’d beat it up?” he asked and Gabe nodded.

“Oh yeah, for sure. No monster’s getting to you guys. Besides, like I said,” Gabe comforted, “There are no monsters to hurt you, Bronx. You just had a bad dream.”

Bronx nodded, but gave Gabe a skeptical look. “I’ll stay here just to be sure,” he said and Gabe grinned, pulling Bronx into a hug as he fought off laughter. 

“That’s cool too,” Gabe said, kissing the top of his head. “Sleep tight, B.”

“I love you, Uncle Gabe,” Bronx said, snuggling into his chest and Gabe couldn’t help the way his throat tightened some.

Gabe tightened his hold a little and smiled. “I love you too, Bronx. Love you too.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe smiled as Bronx ran back up to Gabe from the playground. “Uncle Gabe! Uncle Gabe!” He jumped around as he got back to the bench where Gabe was sitting. “Can we get ice cream?” he asked, and Gabe glanced up at the ice cream stand across the playground, nearer to the open field where some teenagers were playing around with a Frisbee.

Gabe hummed. “Well, we can but you’ll have to sit down at one of the tables and eat it. You would just spill it all over you if you tried to run around playing again,” he warned and Bronx grinned widely.

“I’ll let you make sure I don’t spill it on me!” he said, then grabbed Gabe’s hand with his little one, looking up at him with wide eyes shaded by his fluffy blonde curls. “Please, Uncle Gabe?”

Gabe groaned. “You have better puppy eyes than your daddy,” he said, playing with his hair. “Alright, come on,” he said and Bronx beamed, tugging at his hand to make him walk faster.

When they got to the stand, there was a line so Gabe asked Bronx to tell him what he wanted before instructing him to go sit down at one of the tables under the shade of the trees just past the stand. “And don’t go anywhere,” Gabe added, giving Bronx a serious look. “If you wander off and scare me, so help me I’ll tell your dad,” he warned and Bronx nodded.

“I’ll sit down and be good,” he promised and Gabe watched as he ran to a table and climbed onto the stone bench, kicking his feet absently while waiting for Gabe. Gabe just smiled at Bronx and shook his head, wondering when he’d turned into a man who took care of small children.

Gabe was just pulling out his wallet when he glanced over at Bronx only to do a double take when he saw a man had sat down beside Bronx and was saying something to him. “HEY!” he shouted, startling the man holding out two cones to him into dropping them. Gabe ignored the man and the people behind him in line as he all but sprinted over towards Bronx and the stranger sitting next to him. When the man saw him coming, he jumped up and ran away. When he was gone, Bronx jumped up and ran to meet Gabe, who scooped him up quickly. “Hey B? You okay? Did that man say something to you?” he asked and Bronx hugged him.

“He was asking me my name and I told him I wasn’t supposed to talk to strangers, but he asked where my mommy or daddy was and I said you was getting ice cream and when I pointed to you, he started asking me about you, and I told him I needed to go but he told me to stay and talk to him, and then you yelled and he ran away,” Bronx babbled, looking frightened. “I was just sitting there and he sat down and wouldn’t go away! I told him I didn’t want to talk! I said I ain’t s’posed to talk to strangers!”

Gabe just hugged him tight, closing his eyes. “It’s okay, Bronx. He was probably just looking for me, I’m so sorry he scared you,” he said, kissing his hair. “Hey, how about we go back to the car, okay? We can get ice cream on the way home and get out of the sun somewhere,” he said and Bronx nodded, still hiding his face in Gabe’s neck. Gabe’s jaw clenched as he held onto Bronx tighter than usual, carrying him all the way back to the car.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Gabe had sent Bronx to his room to play, he paced the living room, trying to calm down before the call to Pete connected. He couldn’t stop shaking with anger and adrenaline ever since they left the park. 

“Gabe? What’s up? You don’t call, you text,” Pete started, then let out a sharp sound. “Is Bronx okay?! Oh shit-”

Gabe groaned. “Fuck, no don’t get scared,” he said and Pete paused. “Bronx is okay, we’re both fine, I’m sorry to freak you out, I just- texting wasn’t gonna work,” he said, pushing the fingers of his free hand through his hair. “Pete, something happened today. Something that seriously should _never_ happen and I don’t know- Fuck, I can’t decide what to do. I’m too angry to think straight-“

“Chill, it’s okay. I’m waiting for a plane so I’m free to talk, just calm down and tell me slowly. No rush, okay?” Pete offered and Gabe sighed, sitting down heavily.

“Okay before I start, just remember, Bronx is _fine_ ,” Gabe stressed and Pete hummed.

“Yeah, that’s never a good start, just letting you know,” Pete said in a warning tone and Gabe chuckled weakly.

Gabe sighed. “God, okay so Bronx and I were at the park, he was swinging and having run, then he came over and wanted ice cream and I can’t say no to Wentz puppy eyes- wonder where he got those-,” he teased, earning an amused sound from the other end. “We went over to the vendor and since there was a line, I sent Bronx to sit at a picnic table and wait. I was where I could see him the whole time, it was just thirty feet away or so, I did the ‘if you wander off I’ll tell your dad’ thing, he went and sat down and waited like a big boy,” he said and Pete’s breath hitched.

“Dude, I’m not saying I’ll blame you at all for whatever you say happened next, but fair warning, nothing can freak me out more than explaining why nothing bad should’ve been possible when I can hear the ‘but’ coming already. Seriously, I have a feeling I am really not going to like this,” Pete said seriously and Gabe laughed weakly.

“You won’t, Pete. I haven’t stopped shaking and it’s been hours,’ he said, putting his head in his hands. “I only looked away long enough to order our ice cream and pull out my wallet, about twenty seconds, and when I glanced up to check on him and-“ Gabe groaned. “There was a man sitting beside Bronx talking to him. Naturally, I yelled over and started towards the table and as soon as the guy saw me coming, he took off, ran his pussy ass away. Bronx got up and ran to meet me and started telling me how this stranger sat down and started asking about his name and whether he was there with his mommy or daddy and even though Bronx said he wasn’t supposed to talk to strangers, this man saw me in line and asked him stuff about me-“

“Son of a BITCH!” Pete spat out angrily and Gabe flinched.

“Yeah.”

Pete let out an enraged sound. “It was a fucking- fucking rumor-seeking photographer or something! One of those bottom-feeding motherfuckers approached a _little boy_ sitting on his own while his stepdad got him icecream?! They- holy shit, the bastard snuck up like a fucking pedophile and- and started talking to a little kid?! How low do they get? Fuck, is Bronx okay? Was he upset? Do you need me to come home-“

“Pete, Pete he’s alright!” Gabe urged. “It’s fine, Bronx has basically forgotten it by now,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “And he was pretty scared, as soon as the man ran off Bronx jumped up and ran to me and wouldn’t let me put him down until I put him in the car,” he admitted and Pete let out an angry groan. “Pete-“

“Are you okay?” Pete asked. “Shit, I bet you nearly died. God, I am so sorry that happened to you guys. I’m so sorry my bullshit involves you two, Gabe. I’m really sorry-“

“You shut up, Pete,” Gabe groused. “You are not them. The bastards who stalk us are the ones to blame, not you for being his dad and my friend.”

Pete sighed. “But if I wasn’t-“

“Wasn’t what? You? If you weren’t his dad? If you weren’t my friend?” Gabe looked down at his hand, fisted on his lap. “Pete, we love you, okay? You are the most important friend I have and I wouldn’t change that for anything. And without you, he wouldn’t _exist_ , Pete. You’re an amazing dad. You’re the best father that probably exists and Bronx is a lucky kid to have you the same way I’m lucky to have you, okay?” Gabe demanded.

Pete chuckled weakly. “I know, I just wish people didn’t give a shit what I did anymore. I’m just a guy and I used to love the attention but when bastards are stalking my son and my husband I’m allowed to get upset.”

Gabe smiled. “Be upset, Pete, but don’t ever blame yourself.” He sighed heavily, whining. “What do we do? We can’t just… let it go.” He flopped over against the arm of the couch. “Swear to you, man, if I hadn’t been so busy clinging to Bronx like somebody was going to steal him from me, I’d have ran that bastard down and kicked the shit out of him.”

Pete laughed weakly. “I’d have bailed you out of jail. No doubt.” He was quiet for a moment. “You sure I don’t need to come home? You need me, you tell me.”

Gabe smiled. “No, Pete, we’re okay. Besides, I’m probably just going to spam twitter with death threats to paparazzi and maybe post an angry blog.”

Pete chucked darkly. “Oh, I can see the gossip headlines now for the blog I’m already planning. Pretty sure the title will be ‘You’ll Wish You Were Dead’ if that’s any indication.”

“Just don’t get in too much trouble. I can’t handle another person approaching me and Little Man so soon after this today. Last thing I need is to go crazy and start attacking a car with whatever’s in my hands at the time,” Gabe said and Pete snickered.

“Pulling a Britney is never a good thing,” he agreed. “Alright, I’ve got an angry blog to do. Will you be okay?” he asked and Gabe sighed, relaxing finally.

“Yeah, I’ll survive. Although, if I end up finding somebody outside the gate in the morning, I will not hesitate to run them over. Just fair warning,” he offered, earning a hearty laugh from the other end. It relaxed him a lot to hear Pete laughing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe and Pete’s angry responses made their waves across the internet, but nothing really came of it. Gabe kept an eye out for more people and stuck closer to Bronx, but thankfully it didn’t happen again. 

However, when the photos of Bronx sitting on his own came out with headlines accusing him of not watching Bronx, Gabe was _livid_. To say it wasn’t his finest reaction would be somewhat accurate. 

It also happened that his not-so-great reaction happened while doing a live interview. 

Gabe stared blankly at the screen as the man asked him about allegations that he wasn’t an attentive caregiver when taking Bronx out and showed him the headline on a gossip website. “So, surely you didn’t actually leave a child in your care sitting alone.”

Gabe could _feel_ the rage overcome the shock. “I am not an inattentive caregiver! He was in my line of sight the entire time! You know who most likely took those photos of him sitting there alone?!” he snapped. “The same bastard who came over and sat down beside him and started asking him things! Some strange man crept up on a little boy and started asking him about who he is and who was with him! Some motherfucker scared him and terrified me by sneaking up like a pedophile and creeping on a little boy!”

The man looked startled. “I didn’t mean to- I was just asking about him being alone-“

“I was right across from him! Do you seriously think I’d leave a kid that little alone for even a minute?!” Gabe all but shouted.

“It’s just- I didn’t know this was linked to the claims about someone approaching your-“

Gabe clenched his jaw. “The man who snuck up and scared Bronx is most likely only alive because of how worried I was for him. You don’t scare a man by messing with his kid. I would die for my family, so it isn’t a stretch to think I’d have beat the life out of the man who scared my son like that! You don’t fuck with somebody’s son,” he said angrily. “And you don’t just accuse a man of being a bad parent. You don’t _ever_ accuse someone of something that serious with that little evidence to go on.” Gabe abruptly stood up and left, ignoring the shocked faces of everybody as he walked out without a backwards glance.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe had heard Pete’s phone ringing off the hook- probably a result of his phone being turned off- since he got home, but when he came out from tucking Bronx in, he was surprised to see Pete pacing the kitchen, tugging absently at his hair until it stood on end. 

Gabe leaned against the counter and waited until Pete noticed him. Pete gave him a cringe and looked away, which confused Gabe. “I know-“ Pete seemed to be cut off and he sighed heavily before stopping and slamming his hand on the counter, startling Gabe. “Well he is, okay?! He is his stepdad, which makes Bronx his son, damn it! I don’t care what you think, it’s what it _is_ -“ Pete made a face as he was cut off again. “Don’t give me that shit, Gabe is perfectly capable watching Bronx! He wasn’t alone, fuck! He was sitting at a table while Gabe got them ice cream from the stand across the path- OH that’s rich! You shoved him off on a motherfucking babysitter last time you had him!” Pete shouted. “You skipped the first weekend and then didn’t spend but a few hours of the second weekend with him this month! You actually accuse Gabe of treating Bronx like a burden when _you_ barely spend time with him when you DO have him! I hate to fucking imagine what would’ve happened if you had actually won primary custody, yet you accuse me of being irresponsible to leave him with Gabe and claim Gabe doesn’t even want him?!” Pete deflated some.

Gabe watched his shoulders drop and walked over quickly when Pete leaned heavily on the counter. He put a hand on his back and cringed when Pete jumped, startled. He smiled comfortingly and rubbed his back, ignoring the angry voice bleeding through the earpiece. “No, I’m not saying you’re a bad parent. Fuck, I understand that you were busy, I’m not saying you’re a bad mother, it’s just-“ Pete shook his head. “How can you get upset over Gabe calling Bronx his son and accuse us of being terrible parents when you barely see him? I know, you’re busy, fuck if I don’t know what it’s like, but you don’t have a damn leg to stand on, you know? Gabe loves him as much as ever. I trusted Gabe to keep Bronx for me before we got married and before he lived with me. NOW, he is legally Bronx’s stepfather, so he IS his parent, you know? And he is a good dad, okay? Don’t say he isn’t when you have no fucking idea what it’s like.” Pete groaned, letting his head fall to the counter. “Look, I’m so tired, can we just not argue- No, really, I’m done with this conversation. Please, can we just talk later?” Pete whined. “Why not? I just want to go do anything but argue anymore-“

Gabe had had enough. He snatched Pete’s phone and held it to his ear. “Pete’s going to bed now, so shut the fuck up and call him tomorrow,” Gabe said, ending the call before he could get yelled at.

Pete gaped. “ _Gabe_ -“

Gabe shook his head. “Dude, you looked like you were going to cry, okay?” He pulled him into a hug. “Seriously, just go to bed.”

Pete chuckled weakly, curling his arms around Gabe’s middle. “I don’t know if I could sleep if I wanted to.”

Gabe smiled sadly. “Come on, Pete. You need to sleep.” He squeezed him some. “Come on, I’ll talk you to sleep,” he offered and Pete laughed.

“Alright, I guess I don’t really want to be alone yet.” Pete smiled. “Thanks.”

Gabe grinned. “Whatever, you know you want some Gabe snuggles, don’t even front,” he said, earning a laugh.

“Jackass.”

“You know it!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Pete had been still and quiet for so long, Gabe thought he was asleep. Needless to say, he jumped some when Pete spoke from beside him in the bed. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

Gabe frowned, raising up to look at Pete’s face, as he was facing away. “What?”

Pete rolled over to face him and sighed. “The shit with Ashlee. I’m sorry you had to hear her bullshit.”

Gabe shrugged. “Well, I can’t say I blame her, Pete. She never liked me, not ever, and then all of a sudden here I am on TV calling the person she gave birth to my son,” he said softly. “She’s a bitch, but she’s got a reason to be,” he said and Pete laughed sadly.

“She may be his mother, but that doesn’t make her half the parent you are, you know?” he said and Gabe smiled. “She was a good mom. When we were married, she was a great mother, you know?” he said with a sad look. “But then again, I thought she was a great wife until she divorced my ass without a warning,” he added and Gabe groaned.

“I know, Pete. You were so fucking happy and when she did that to you, I don’t think I’d ever hated somebody worse,” he admitted and Pete grinned. “Seriously, nothing is worse than ripping the rug out from under a sweet dude like you.”

Pete shrugged and wiggled onto his side to prop against the pillow, mirroring Gabe. “I got so mad at her for pulling this bullshit about how you shouldn’t be calling Bronx your son. I didn’t know you thought of him as that, but it doesn’t matter, you’re his stepdad. And even if you weren’t, you’re his favorite of all of his ‘uncles’, he loves you and trusts you and that is enough for me,” he stressed and Gabe smiled sheepishly.

“I didn’t really think of it like that before I said it. I freaked out on that poor dude, and I didn’t really mean to make it sound like I’m his dad, I just guess I didn’t want to call him ‘my husband’s kid’ or ‘my best friend’s son’ or whatever.” He shrugged. “And I don’t care either. I don’t care if we won’t always be step-father and step-son, since I’ve been spending most of the time I’m not working with the band hanging out with Bronx, I’m pretty sure I love him more than enough to be a parent to him.”

Pete nodded. “Blood doesn’t make somebody a parent. Blood makes them a relative, but family is about more than that. Fuck, Gabe, you sing to him when he has bad dreams, you wake your ass up, go to his room, squash your giant body into a tiny bed just to rock him back to sleep and sing,” he said, smiling warmly up at Gabe. “I know you love him when you do shit like that. And I couldn’t be happier than to know my best friend is always taking care of my baby. I love you guys and even if our marriage is a scam, we are a family. We always were.”

Gabe shrugged. “I’ve known you half my life, Pete. I’ve stuck around for this long. I’m not going anywhere, you know?”

Pete nodded, sliding into Gabe’s arms, sighing. “I know, and I couldn’t thank you enough.”

Gabe kissed the top of his head and held him close. “You never have to thank me, Pete. Not ever.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe woke up to the sound of the door opening and little feet thumping through the room. “Daddy! Daddy!” Gabe heard a loud ‘OOF!’ and frowned, opening his eyes only to realize he’d fallen asleep in Pete’s bed after their talk. He lifted up on his elbow and smiled when he saw Bronx climbing over Pete, who whined at every elbow and knee his child dug into him. “Oh! Uncle Gabe!” Bronx said, falling into his lap as Pete rolled over and pouted.

“Bronx, why are you up?” he whined, yawning as he rubbed his bedhead against Bronx’s arm.

Bronx giggled and cringed away from his father’s hair. “Daddy, Uncle Patrick’s here!” he said and Gabe and Pete both froze, eyes flying wide as they looked at each other.

Gabe frowned. “Why the hell is Patrick here?” he asked Pete, who shrugged, yawning as he flopped over against Gabe as soon as Bronx crawled down to sit near their knees and pet the dog on the foot of the bed. Gabe chuckled and fluffed Pete’s unruly hair. “Man, you have a better Jew-fro then I do, so unfair,” he said and Pete smirked against his arm, eyes still shut.

“I’ve got a rockin’ Jew-fro, dude. You wish your Jew-fro was as good as mine.” Pete sighed and reached up rub his eyes. “Dude, wait, did he say Patrick?” he asked, blinking suddenly. “Why is Patrick here?”

Gabe snorted. “You don’t operate well in the morning, huh?” he asked, patting his head playfully.

“Pete? Pete, did Bronx come get you like I asked-“ Patrick walked in only to blink at the two of them snuggled up then narrow his eyes. “Wait, isn’t this fake?” he asked and Gabe smirked. 

“What, fake husbands don’t get to have fun?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows as he curled his arm around Pete’s shoulders, making Pete laugh. Gabe grinned. “Nah, we were talking in here and fell asleep before I could go back to my room,” he said with a wave of his hand. He smiled when Bronx crawled back up his legs and into his lap. “Good morning, dude!” he said, smiling when Bronx settled against his chest next to Pete. “No bad dreams?” he asked and Bronx shook his head.

“Nope! I think you really did scare that monster away, Uncle Gabe! He hasn’t been in _none_ of my dreams!” he said and Gabe beamed, ruffling Bronx’s curls.

“I told you, dude! That monster ain’t hurting you or your daddy as long as I’m around,” he said, kissing the top of Bronx’s head. “Go get dressed while we get up and start breakfast, okay?” he asked and Bronx nodded.

“Okay! Daddy, you gotta get up too!” Bronx said, making Pete whine.

“Dunwanna,” he said, hiding his face in Gabe’s shirt until Bronx had ran out.

Patrick rolled his eyes. “And to think you used to not sleep for shit,” he said, walking over towards Pete. “What was he talking about a monster?” he asked, looking concerned.

Gabe cringed. “Poor thing had this nightmare a few times a while back. He dreamed a monster was coming after him. Then after the first night he ran through the house crying and got to Pete’s room and he wasn’t here, he started dreaming it had ate Pete first and was after him next and he started running through the house scared because he’s still asleep enough he thinks it ate his daddy,” he said, shaking his head.

Pete cringed. “I’ll hear him yelling and get up and he’ll have run to Gabe’s room and got in bed with him.”

Gabe smiled. “It’s better though. I told him last time I’d make sure it knew I wasn’t going to let it hurt them and I guess it helped,” he said and Pete grinned, against Gabe’s sleeve.

“Dude, you left us sitting in your bed and went out in the hall and acted out beating up a monster. It was rad!” he said laughing along with Gabe.

Patrick snorted. “No wonder people think you two are some epic love story. You act like a little white picket fence family,” he accused, then snickered. “Pete, you have officially out-gayed yourself!” he announced brightly.

Pete’s eyes lit up. “Like you have room to talk!” he said and Gabe gasped, then turned an evil grin on Patrick.

“Oh Captain Stumpy McStumperson! We learned the best information a while back!” Gabe said and Pete chortled gleefully.

“I totally forgot to even tease you about it!” he said and Gabe bit his hand to stay quiet. Pete sat up and eyed Patrick evenly. “Why did you always refuse my attempts to kiss you if you were into dudes?” he asked and Gabe couldn’t hold it in when Patrick’s jaw dropped.

“Oh my God, I’ve made out with every other friend I ever had and you never kissed me and YOU were the gay one!” Gabe burst out, laughing evilly as Patrick turned pink.

“I have no idea what you-“

Pete smirked. “You de-virginated Brendon Urie,” he said, shaking his head in mock disappointment. “You dirty fucker, he was underage in California!” he said and Patrick’s face caught on fire.

“Oh my God, who told you that?!” he hissed, slapping a hand over his face. “Oh God, that was my best kept secret-“

“Spencer Smith is a sneaky bitch, never trust him,” Gabe said and Patrick’s jaw dropped.

“Brendon told somebody?! Oh my God, we agreed to never speak of it again-“

Pete scoffed. “He was a formerly Mormon _virgin_ who was seventeen years old and already in a precarious predicament in his life! He had to tell somebody our he’d have burst! Be happy he told Spencer, not somebody who would’ve spread that shit around when it happened!” he said and Gabe smirked.

“Stump, if I’d have known back then, I’d have seriously told everybody I knew. Everybody. Hell, no, I’d have tried to tap that since I would’ve known he was into it,” he reassessed. “Actually, you too, I’d have tried so much harder to sleep with you,” he said and Pete glared.

“I’d have kicked your ass, dude. You would’ve spoiled my sweet little Patrick in his delicate years! Now, have at it, he’s all grown up and can handle it-“

Patrick cleared his throat. “Wentz, for the last time, I’ve always been more of an adult than you. Also, _I’m not gay!_ ” he hissed. “Okay, the thing with Brendon was stress and- and I was young and confused! He was pretty, tensions were high, I was _curious_ because I’d been around your tongue-slutting ways and there was the whole thing with William Beckett’s hips-“ He flushed. “Point is, I was young and it was experimentation and nothing more!”

Gabe smirked. “Dude, you turned Brendon gay,” he said and Patrick rolled his eyes. “Seriously, you ‘rocked his little virgin world’, is how I think Spencer put it,” he said and Patrick groaned.

“Oh God, kill me now.”

Pete snickered. “Seriously, Brendon says he was totally gay for a while after that.” He frowned. “So wait, does that mean that _technically_ the only one to not sleep with another dude in all those years was Trohman?” he asked and Gabe shrugged.

“I never heard about him sleeping with any dudes. About the only one,” he said and Patrick waved a hand.

“Wait, what?! Seriously, no way have all our friends had gay phases,” he said then pointed. “Andy!”

Gabe and Pete both snorted. “Dude, he lives in a house of half-naked, muscly, sweaty men,” Gabe said and Pete snickered.

“Pretty sure there has to be at least one of them giving it to him, maybe the rest are scenery,” he agreed and Patrick rolled his eyes.

“When my mother said ‘that Pete boy is a bad influence’, I should’ve listened,” he said, standing up. “Oh God, get dressed and come talk to me where you can’t say shit like this in front of a kid-“

Pete giggled evilly. “Dude, don’t front, you totally only got me to sign Travie cause of your crush on him!” he called after Patrick’s retreating back, cackling when Patrick flipped him off without looking. “THAT ISN’T A DENIAL!” 

Gabe shot him a look. “Wait, Stump had a crush on Travis?” he asked and Pete scoffed.

“ _Had_? They’re more bromantic than we are!” He slid out of bed and stretched. “Wonder if Travie has noticed? That would be hilarious, somebody else notice Patrick’s little crush!”

Gabe smirked. “I hear McCoy gives one hell of a blowjob,” he said and Pete cringed.

“Dude, he’s my bro, that’s not something I ever wanted to hear,” he said and Gabe shrugged.

“I’d hit it, I just don’t think of him that way. Also I think he’s mostly straight,” he added and Pete grinned.

“So am I but I still had sex with MikeyWay,” he pointed out and Gabe grinned, shaking his head as Pete slipped into the bathroom.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Pete smiled as he came into the kitchen with Gabe only to see Patrick listening to something Bronx told him. “And then Uncle Gabe ate it so I didn’t have to and we didn’t tell daddy!” he finished and Pete shot Gabe a look. 

Gabe just smirked. “I’m the cool uncle, whatever,” he said, poking out his tongue at Pete. “Dude, Bronx, don’t _tell_! Now your daddy will make you eat all your carrots for real now,” he said, leaning across the counter to kiss the top of Bronx’s head.

Bronx turned to reach past Patrick, then turned back to Gabe. “Uncle Gabe, can I eat this thing?” he asked, handing him a mango out of the basket.

Gabe snickered. “You want to eat a mango for breakfast?”

Bronx nodded. “Yes! I don’t want cereal again,” he said and Pete rolled his eyes.

“Gabe, I told you, cook him _food_ when I’m gone,” he said, but took the mango from Gabe before going to get a knife. “You want it cut up in little pieces you can eat with a spoon or big pieces, B?” Pete asked and Gabe smiled, slapping Pete on the ass as he reached around him to get some mugs out of the cabinet over his head.

“Here Patrick, you short asses can’t get them yourselves,” he teased, going to sit the mugs on the counter before walking over to grab the coffee.

Patrick just snickered, watching as Pete wordlessly handed Gabe the milk out of the refrigerator. “Dude, Gabe Saporta the domestic family man, this is the funniest thing ever,” he said and Gabe just flipped him off, only to yelp when Pete slapped him on the side.

“Don’t do that in front of Bronx!” He started cutting up the mango into a bowl for Bronx. “Bronx, we’ve talked about not repeating Uncle Gabe, right?” he asked and Bronx just giggled at the antics of his parents.

Gabe just smiled. “First off, Stump, it’s Saporta-Wentz,” he corrected. “And second, why are you in my house? Do you all have keys? Pete, why didn’t I have a key but Patrick and Spencer Smith have keys?” he asked, pouting.

Pete rolled his eyes. “Cause you never came over without me here. They do.” He turned to Patrick. “But really, why are you in our house?”

Patrick shrugged. “Figured I’d come check up on you after the…” he glanced at Bronx and trailed off. “Stuff,” he said and Pete sighed.

“It ain’t good,” he admitted and Gabe put a hand on his back comfortingly. 

“I got Bronx, you two go talk,” he said and Pete smiled up at him.

“Thanks, dude,” he said, bumping his shoulder against Gabe’s side before ducking away to take Patrick out. Patrick followed him out into the living room and Pete flopped down on the couch, hiding his face in the cushions. Patrick rolled his eyes and sat down beside him. 

“Talk, Pete,” he said and Pete sighed, rolling over to lay his head on Patrick’s lap, smiling when Patrick immediately petted his hair.

“Haven’t done this in a long time,” Pete said softly. “Gabe’s thighs are too bony,” he said and Patrick snorted.

“About that,” he started and Pete frowned up at him. Patrick rolled his eyes. “Dude, you and Gabe are all domestic. What the fuck?”

Pete shrugged. “No different than ever. Most people see us out in a group thing, not many people ever see us just chilling. This is how we are all the time, not just since we got married.”

Patrick just raised an eyebrow but let it go. “What about all the Bronx shit?” he asked and Pete whined, rolling around to hide his face in Patrick’s side. “Pete?”

“Gabe went insane on some dude who basically hinted at him being a shitty babysitter and sort of called Bronx his son and then on top of that, Ashley heard Gabe call her kid _his_ and last night she called all in a fuss and shouted and bitched about how terrible of a parent Gabe is and she has no fucking _clue_ , you know?!” He grumbled. “She spews all this shit like SHE is some perfect parent herself and she only got Bronx one of her weekends this month. Gabe fucking feeds him and plays with him and _sings him to sleep_ when he wakes up and ONE time some shit happens and it looks slightly bad she decides to bitch about me putting our kid around such ‘negative influence’ and it’s _bullshit_ ,” he spat. “Gabe is his stepdad, like it or not, and he’s a _good_ dad. He loves Bronx and he’s so patient with him and everybody fucking flew off the handle about it all.”

Patrick hummed. “I would’ve agreed with them if it weren’t for the fact you’re an amazing father and I saw you drink your own pee,” he said and Pete snickered.

“Gabe’s amazing. Bronx always loved him but now he’s like… a second dad.” He shrugged. “Bronx makes Gabe a better person too, I think.”

Patrick sighed. “Alright, but don’t let this bite you in the ass, okay, Pete?” he asked and Pete nodded with a soft smile.

“Of course not.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“And we can go swimming and make a sandcastle!” Bronx had been outlining all the things he wanted to do at the beach the entire time Gabe wrestled him into his swimsuit and managed to get sunscreen on him before they left so that it had time to dry before he ran into the water. “And we can bury daddy!”

Gabe snickered. “Why do you want to bury your daddy?” he asked and Bronx shrugged.

“Cause he’s little and will fit better?” he tried and Gabe smiled, pushing a hat onto Bronx’s head to keep the sun out of his eyes. Bronx pushed his hair back and smiled up at Gabe, who couldn’t help but shake his head.

“You are the coolest dude in the world, you know?” Gabe asked, picking Bronx up to hug him. Bronx giggled and held on around his neck while Gabe kissed his cheek. “I love you, Little Man.”

Bronx wiggled, trying to get down. “I love you too, Uncle Gabe,” he said, then finally squirmed until Gabe put him down so he could run off to find Pete. Gabe followed him, only to raise an eyebrow when he got in Pete’s room and found him pulling on a tank top that matched his skinny jeans.

“You’re wearing jeans to the beach?” he asked and Pete shot him a flat look.

“Have you ever seen me wear anything else? I wore jeans with a blazer to my first wedding,” he said and Gabe snickered.

“Yeah, but sand and skinny jeans doesn’t sound like fun,” he said, gesturing to his own shorts.

Pete just snickered. “Dude, you wear girl shorts, has anybody ever told you?” he teased and Gabe flipped him off, going to jump onto the bed beside Bronx, who was bouncing on his knees while Pete got dressed.

“Daddy! We’re gonna bury you in the dirt, okay?” he said brightly. “And Uncle Gabe is gonna take me swimming!”

Pete shot him a pointed look. “If you let my kid drown, I’ll end you,” he threatened and Gabe rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, like I’d let my dude drown,” he said, scoffing. “I’d probably die if something happened to the little dude. I’d never let him get hurt.”

Pete just smiled a small smile. “Yeah, I know, I just had to say it,” he said, biting his lip as he exchanged a look with Gabe that Gabe didn’t fully understand.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Gabe and Bronx had been splashing around in the water for a while before Pete called them out, waving bottles of water. Bronx giggled. “Let’s get daddy!” Bronx said and Gabe smirked.

“I’ll get him, you steal his hat and we’ll bury it?” he suggested and Bronx nodded brightly. “Go!” Gabe cried and he and Bronx both ran straight for Pete. Pete yelped in surprise, only to shout when Gabe grabbed him around the waist and hugged him, getting him soaked.

“GABE!” he cried, only to cry out in alarm when Gabe’s spinning around tangled their feet and they fell down, Gabe landing on top of him, making them both let out pained grunts. “Gabe!” he groaned, shoving at him, glaring when Gabe braced himself on all fours over Pete. “You suck, I’m soaked and sandy now and- HEY!” He looked up as his hat was whipped off by Bronx. “BRONX!” he cried, glaring when Bronx ran away with his hat. “Saporta, you suck,” he said, looking up at Gabe.

Gabe just smirked. “Saporta-Wentz to you,” he said, giggling. “Come on, it was funny,” he said and Pete sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Oh yeah, I have sand in my pants now. Great,” he said and Gabe just grinned.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you get it out of your pants later,” he said, only to pause when he realized what he just said. Pete also grew silent, biting his lip as he looked up at Gabe. “I didn’t mean it that way-“

“What if I wanted you to mean it that way?” Pete asked softly, looking unsure of himself.

Gabe’s eyes narrowed curiously. “Do you?” he asked and Pete didn’t meet his eyes. “Pete-“ Pete startled him by lifting up to catch Gabe’s lips, kissing him quickly. He pulled back, eyes wide and Gabe looked at him silently before Pete took a breath and leaned in again, propping himself on one elbow as he kissed Gabe. This time, Gabe kissed back. As the kiss broke, Gabe smiled. “Okay,” he said and Pete grinned and shoved Gabe off him, laughing as he fell over onto the sand.

“Oh fuck off. Catch Bronx, he needs to drink something before he gets dehydrated,” he said and Gabe just shot him a look.

“We’re talking later, Wentz,” he said, scrambling up to go get Bronx.

Pete just threw sand at him as he walked off. “That’s Saporta-Wentz, too you!” he shouted, earning a bring smile when Gabe looked back at him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After they had rinsed off the sand and changed clothes, Bronx wanted pizza so they decided to let him have some. Bronx seemed to think Christmas had come early with how good the day was. He kept retelling Pete about all the cool stuff he and Gabe did while Pete slept under their umbrella, no matter how many times he’d said it already. Pete didn’t have the heart to interrupt his excited ramblings about sandcastles to tell him he’d already heard the same story twice, and Gabe just smiled even brighter every time Bronx grabbed his hand to display how big the shell they had found was in Gabe’s palm.

On the way home, Bronx fell asleep mid-sixth retelling, fully conking out in the back seat. Pete just grinned as he looked into the rearview mirror. “I love him so much, Gabe,” he said softly, smiling brightly when the light turned.

Gabe chuckled and reached out to grab Pete’s hand off the console. “Yeah, he’s kind of the coolest thing ever, huh?” he asked, squeezing Pete’s hand.

Pete just grinned, eyes on the road. “I may not be the best dad in the world, but I dare anybody to love anything more than I love my son. There’s a lot of shit I regret in my life but he’s never been one of them.”

Gabe smiled, then sighed, looking out the window. “So, what was that today?” he asked, still holding Pete’s hand. “The thing at the beach.”

Pete sighed. “Hell if I know, Gabe,” he admitted and Gabe chuckled. “I’m just… happy,” he said honestly. “You make me happy. Not as a friend, but as my husband,” he clarified. 

Gabe smiled, turning to look down at his hand in Pete’s, smiling when Pete stroked his thumb over Gabe’s ring. “Pete, you don’t like men.”

Pete snorted. “Gabe, I may be mostly straight, but I had a boyfriend, clearly what’s in your pants doesn’t matter _too_ much to me.”

Gabe smirked, biting back a laugh. “That could end up being a problem either way you take it,” he said, lifting Pete’s hand to his mouth to press a kiss to his knuckles.

Pete just grinned, eyes still on the road. “You’ll just have to wait and see, I guess,” he said, throwing Gabe a flirty glance before turning back to the road.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When they got home, Gabe took Bronx to tuck him in before heading to Pete’s room after. He smirked when he walked in and saw Pete standing in the bathroom in his boxers, turning on the shower. “Hey,” he said and Pete looked up.

“Bronx okay?” he asked, only to squeak in surprise when Gabe stepped up to him and kissed him as soon as he got into the bathroom. “Gabe! I’m getting in the shower-“

Gabe grinned down at Pete before ducking in to kiss him again. “I do believe I was supposed to help you get the sand out of your pants,” he said and Pete rolled his eyes, turning his head.

“I think I can manage thanks,” he said, only to gasp when Gabe’s lips moved down his jaw.

Gabe pulled him closer. “Hey, not for nothing, but you kissed me today, I sort of need words if you’re changing your mind,” he said, kissing his throat below his ear.

Pete hummed. “No, nope, not that, just didn’t think a kiss and a talk in the car would lead to something _tonight_ ,” he said, moaning when Gabe nipped at his throat gently.

Gabe chuckled, turning Pete’s face back so he could kiss him correctly. “It doesn’t have to, but I figure life’s short and we’re already married anyhow.”

Pete just laughed against his lips, but pulled back, sliding his hands down to Gabe’s waist. “True,” he said, then bit his lip, looking up at Gabe as he slid his hands under the hem of his shirt. “I’m getting in the shower,” he said, pushing Gabe’s shirt up slowly. “You should too.”

Gabe smirked. “Yes, dear!” he chimed playfully, quickly stripping off his shirt. Pete smirked at him then turned to head back towards the shower, stopping to slide out of his boxers before shooting Gabe a look over his shoulder as he stepped in. Gabe felt his gut clench as he watched Pete step under the stream of water, tipping his head back with his eyes shut. Gabe wasted no time at all kicking off the rest of his clothes before joining Pete.

Pete laughed when Gabe grabbed his hips immediately and guided him to the tile wall. “Somebody’s in a hurry,” he said, only to have his next words cut off by Gabe’s mouth on his. Pete moaned softly as Gabe lapped into his mouth, hands going everywhere at once. “Fuck me, you’re too tall,” Pete growled, standing on his toes with his arms around Gabe’s neck they traded hungry kisses.

Gabe tugged on his bottom lip as he pulled back. “Not now, dear, maybe later,” he said with a lascivious smirk, diving in for another kiss as his hands slid down to Pete’s hips, pulling Pete flush against him. 

Pete grunted, then broke the kiss to look down between them. He had to admit, he had never actually thought of sex with Gabe before, but the way he felt for him was so far from platonic that Pete didn’t really _care_ that Gabe wasn’t the right gender. He was Gabe and that was all that mattered. And it wasn’t like he’d never had sex with a man before, it had just been a long time. He reached down and caught Gabe’s erection in his hand, looking back up to catch Gabe’s lips as he stroked him, movements eased by the water pouring over their bodies.

Gabe grunted against his lips but quickly worked a hand between them to reach Pete’s erection. “Fuck, Pete,” he groaned and Pete chuckled, reaching his free hand up to tangle in Gabe’s wet hair, pulling him back into a kiss.

“Mmmm, yeah,” he moaned, kissing him hungrily. Pete tipped his head back, panting as Gabe brought him closer. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he panted and Gabe’s hand tightened on his hip thrusting into Pete’s fist as he got closer and closer. “Gabe, Gabe-“

Gabe groaned, clinging to Pete’s hip so hard his fingers left red spots as he got closer, only to gasp. “Pete, Pete, oh _fuuuuuck_ ,” he groaned, nails digging in slightly as he came, hips jumping unsteadily against Pete’s until he sagged, pressing Pete against the wall with his body. He caught Pete’s lips in a kiss, moaning softly when Pete’s hips jumped, his dick sliding against Gabe’s thigh.

Gabe took him into his hand again, kissing Pete somewhat sloppily as his wrist moved quickly, trying to get Pete off without too much coordination. It had been a long day, after all. Pete broke the kiss, hands clenching around Gabe’s biceps as he tipped his head back, eyes shut as he lenaed against the wall. Gabe pressed his forehead to Pete’s, looking down between them before flickering back up. Pete’s eyes were opened as he panted, looking right at Gabe. Gabe let out a soft gasp, kissing him. “Come for me, come on, baby,” he whispered and Pete whimpered, hands clenching as his jaw dropped and his head thumped back against the wall when he came with a ragged, choked sound of pleasure. Gabe groaned because it was so hot. He stroked Pete through it, only stopping when Pete grabbed his wrist, pulling him into a kiss as he guided his hand away from his oversensitive cock. 

When the kiss broke, Pete let out a soft pant, groaning. “Fuck,” he breathed. He slid his hands to Gabe’s hips, only to leaned forward, forehead falling to Gabe’s chest as he slid his arms around Gabe, pressing against him. Gabe smiled and curled his arms around Pete’s body, holding him just as close. “Mmmmm, I forgot how hot shower sex could be,” Pete said, voiced muffled against Gabe’s chest.

Gabe just grinned, kissing his head. “You and me both, dude.” He nudged Pete’s hip. “Hand me the shampoo, I can feel the sand in my hair,” he said and Pete grinned up at him.

“S’what you get for pushing me in the sand,” he said, stealing one more kiss before turning to grab the shampoo so they could actually use the shower for what it was meant to be used.

It wasn’t until later, when they both poured themselves into Pete’s bed, totally exhausted from their long day and relaxed after their joint shower and the fooling around they did in it, that Pete rolled over and propped himself up on one elbow and brought the day’s talk up once more. “Hey Gabe?” he asked, twisting so that he could lay down facing him. “You know I’m like… basically in love with you, right?” he asked and Gabe smiled tiredly, reaching a hand up to stroke Pete’s curls back from his face.

“Yeah, I love you too,” he said, leaning in to kiss Pete sweetly. “I figured this face was established by the fact we’re risking one of the longest friendships either of us has ever had with shower hand jobs,” he said and Pete grinned.

“Yeah, I was just making sure. I like it being perfectly clear where we stand on shit in relation to each other, you know?” he said, laying his head on Gabe’s shoulder before sliding an arm around his waist.

Gabe grinned. “Okay, I’d just like it to be perfectly clear that I’m pretty much in love with you too, for the record. Signed, Gabe Saporta-Wentz, witnessed by Pete Saporta-Wentz, dated-“

Pete shoved him. “Oh shut up,” he laughed, rolling his eyes. “Jerk.”

Gabe rolled so that he was face Pete and wrapped an arm around him. “Mmmm, but I’m your jerk,” he said, sliding a leg between Pete’s so that he could hold him completely flush, snuggling into him.

Pete giggled. “Yeah,” he whispered as he relaxed into Gabe’s hold. “You’re totally my jerk.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Six months later:_

Gabe shuffled into the kitchen with a yawn, going for the coffee maker with a zombie-like ‘jab and hope it makes coffee come out’ approach, only to hear giggles and turn to see his band sitting around the counter. “Eurgh, why does everybody have keys to my house!?” he whined, pouting as he flopped against the counter heavily.

“Because, dude, I like friends and friends like to come over and I’m not selfish enough not to share my rockin’ pad with friends who don’t want to ring doorbells,” Pete said as he walked in. he smacked Gabe’s hip as he passed him. “Morning, by the way,” he said, and Gabe stood up, smirking as Pete reached up on his tiptoes to get a bowl down from the cabinet.

Gabe walked up behind him and slapped his ass, earning a squeak, before grabbing the bowl for him, hand on his hip. “Mmmm, it is a great morning,” he said and Pete turned back, sharing his smirk.

“Yep, awesome even,” Pete said, turning around long enough to reach up and kiss Gabe sweetly before going about his business.

“We picked up your mail!” Ryland said, tossing letters at Pete and Gabe alternately, grinning evilly when they got hit with them. 

“Oh, and I think this is a new passport!” Victoria said, throwing it at Gabe, who caught it, earning a whine of disappointment from the others.

“Sweet! Needed this before we leave next month,” he said, opening the package, only to smile when he opened his passport and saw his change of information.

“Say,” Alex asked, picking up Gabe’s passport to look at it. “I never thought about it but whatever happened to that whole ‘three months’ thing with you two?” he asked, looking between Gabe and Pete.

Gabe and Pete shared a warm look before Gabe shrugged and took his passport back. “Eh, we figured why put a time limit on a good thing, you know?” he said, and Pete just nudged him as he passed, earning a warm smile in return. 

And when Bronx came trotting in, bright and happy to start his day with his father and stepfather, Gabe could only really be thankful that he finally had such a ‘good thing’ to look forward to for the foreseeable future.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment on LJ if you prefer that instead. I use LJ more often than AO3 so I'm sure some of you may be more comfortable there too.


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